The Brandon St. Randy Sex Diaries

Posted: June 10, 2009 in Uncategorized
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So another group I used to frequent used to post Sex Diaries, and they were really fun to read, not just for the content, but to figure out whether they were real or not, or what parts had been embellished or fudged. The idea originally came from NY Mag’s Sex Diaries. Since these were so popular, I’m going to start posting up some of them. These are not necessarily written by me, mind you. As a matter of fact, I’d love to hear yours. If you want to contribute, just send me an email, and I’ll post yours up (anonymously, of course). If there are any details which would give away that it was you, I’d suggest you change them, but that’s up to you. Anyway, here’s a good one from a while back. Enjoy!

Day 1:
8:30 PM

Enjoying post sex feeling. She gets on the computer and checks her email. I get some water. We have a nice little groove. She’s super busy, I’m super busy. We make sex dates usually about a week in advance, if not more. It’s good sex; I know what she likes, she knows what I like, there’s none of that staying over business or pretense that this is what it ain’t. Plus, she always asks me to come in her mouth, which is quite the bonus. She’s finished banging away at her email. I check my Myspage page. She wants to see my friends. We peruse my friends. She picks out the ones she thinks are cute. A couple are not so cute upon clicking on their actual pages. I’m embarrassed to have banged a couple of the not so cute ones but don’t mention it. She probably knows anyway. We discuss which ones might be into girls. I ex out a couple of potentials immediately. She zeroes in on Artsy Girl and asks if she’d be down. Pretty sure she would. I’d never actually had sex with her, but some heavy petting before. I took her on an actual date once, but didn’t see any reason to continue down that path. Regular Sex Girl gets phone call. Makes shush motion to me. Some “un-huh’s” and “OK’s” and a “see you soon.” She has a date tonight. I was wondering why the early call time. Apparently, he’s booked a limo and all kinds of fancy action to impress her. Nice. Hope she used my mouthwash if he goes in for the first date kiss. She gets dressed and heads out. We agree next Saturday works.

11:24 PM

Squeeze one off to some ‘Mike in Brazil’ porn. Lucky ass Mike. If it wasn’t for the third world AIDS rate, I’d consider heading down there for a sex tour one of these days. Those chicks are ridiculous.

12:47 AM

Sex girl calls. Date sucked- no limo, jazz place was wack, but guy was really nice. She’s not really into really nice. No first date kiss so I guess whether or not she used Listerine was irrelevant. Wants to come over for round 2. I make an excuse about having to go running with my co-workers in the morning. It’s a lie. I don’t run with them on the weekends. Shoulda called me before I got that second nut out. Feel bad for first date guy.

Day 2:

11:20 AM

In meeting. Boss lying to his boss about all the good work we’re doing. We’re not doing good work. We’re doing just enough to not get fired. Send dirty text to ex. She broke it off because I didn’t want to get more serious. She still gets drunk and nasty-texts me every once in a while. She’s game today. Very descriptive about what she wants me to stick and where. Great thing about smartphones in meetings- people think you’re emailing someone about something work-related, so dedicated. She SMS’s a picture of what appears to be her va-jay-jay. Angle screen away from any potential nosy coworkers. Picture of va-jay-jay lips not huge turn on without context. Tell her to send boob shots- they’re huge. Says she can’t because in office. Damn. Conference table hiding boner. Could be embarrassing when meeting ends. Think about boss’s boss naked. Lose wood quickly.

7:06 PM

At happy hour. Flirt with attractive light-skinned girl with short bob. Buy a round for her and her friends. Female bartender looks on and winks suggestively. Wink back. It’s pimpin’, pimpin’! Light Skinned Bob and her friend are heading to another spot. Ask her if she wants to get a drink sometime. Sorry, but she has a boyfriend. Mutter under my breath that she should give me my $18 back then. Should have gone for the less attractive, more desperate-looking friend. Bartender asks how it went. Lie, and tell her they we’re just friends. Close out, and leave bartender conspicuously large tip. Ask for her number. Says she lives with her boyfriend. It’s not pimpin’, pimpin. Consider asking for change for tip. Decide against.

Finish editing powerpoint. Enjoy Hennessy and Coke in plastic cup. Realize
I’m a stereotype. No one around to see, so doesn’t matter. Whack off to Exploited Black Teens compilation.

Day 3:
No news to report

Day 4:
Send text to Nasty Text Girl about getting together this weekend. Says she’s on her period. Make tentative but unlikely plans for next weekend.

Day 5:
Dinner with chick I met a few weeks ago. Surprised she remembers who I am. Is cuter than I remember. Very white teeth. Doesn’t take herself too seriously, which is attractive. She goes to the restroom. I check things out as she walks away. Potential donkey, but not sure if it’s just the skirt. Text Nasty Text Girl that I’ve been thinking about doing her. Date comes back. We finish eating. She offers to pay. Act like I wouldn’t dream of it, but slightly consider it. Still have to see about donkey before I get cheap and lazy. Drop date off at her car. Not sure whether to go in for kiss, so just squeeze extra tight. She still has hands around my ribs so go in for quick mouth kiss, no tongue. Tell her to text me when she gets home safe.

10:13 Text: Got home safe. Receive boobs picture from Nasty Text Girl. Spectacular. Grab the Jergens and get to work.

Day 6:
Go to club with the homey. For some reason, he’s bought a table. We entertain countless youngish, wanna-be fly types. Glad music is loud so can’t hear stupid conversation. They spend much time trying to make their jobs sound like they do something worthwhile. They don’t. Get bunch of numbers. Buy second bottle, forget which girl is which. Wonder why there’s a Tiffany in my phone but no number for her.

2:34 AM
Swerve home, drunk dialing the whole way. No luck. Text Date Girl. No response. Probably getting banged by some other dude. Consider jerking it but decide against.

Day 7:

11:15 AM

Headache. Check sent texts to see how bad I was. Pretty bad. Fortunately, didn’t say too much stupid to Date Girl. But a 2:49 AM text probably not the right impression to give after one date.

9:15 PM

Regular Sex Girl comes over. Asks if I have something to drink. We drink Vodka OJ’s. She says she invited Artsy Girl from Myspace over. This is unexpected. They text back and forth. We discuss what we’ll do if Artsy Girl just wants to do her and have me watch or some bullshit. We both decide that would be unacceptable.

My rationale: It’s my fucking house. Don’t know why she’s so crunk about it, but I appreciate the standupness. Artsy Girl gets here. We make her a drink. All three of us sit on the bed kind of awkwardly making idle small talk. Decide something needs to be done. Kiss Artsy Girl. Regular Sex Girl’s face lights up with glee. They start kissing. This. Is. Awesome.

Clothes start to come off. Artsy Girl massages Regular Sex Girl’s back while I suck her titties. She’s really turned on. Never looks this turned on when I do her. Not overly concerned. Go down on Regular Sex Girl. Artsy Girl straddles her face. We look at each other and she licks her lips. Dick hard as a rocket right now. She extends her hand. I give her low-five.

Switch positions. Regular Sex Girl lies on her back while Artsy Girl eats her. I push Artsy Girl’s ass up in the air and eat her out from the back. Pussy is saltier than regular sex girl’s, but quite pleasant. Super wet. I spit some of the saliva/pussy juice between her asscheeks and slide thumb in her ass. She likey. Start hitting it from the back. She’s eating out Regular Sex girl like a pig at a trough. Regular Sex Girl tries badly executed maneuver to switch into a 69. We almost fall over. All burst out laughing. Switch. Fuck Regular Sex girl missionary while Artsy girl plays with herself. She gets behind me and starts licking my ear. Really trying to hold off coming.

Think abut taxes, sheep, and boss’s boss. Not working, so get up, and lay on back . They take turns sucking my dick and alternately kissing each other. Kiss for too long and I point to my junk and let them know it requires their attention. Regular Sex Girl sucks while Artsy Girl tongues balls. I put hands behind my head and bask in glory of the moment. Doesn’t last long. I tell them to stick their tongues out. They make lewd faces and I come a gallon all over Artsy Chick’s extended tongue. Try to get some of the second squirt on Regular Girl’s tongue, but get it in her hair by mistake. She puts it in her mouth and keeps sucking until I’m done. I tell them to kiss. They oblige. I get up to grab another drink and a towel to wipe them off. They wipe off. Both are impressed with the volume and velocity of skeet. Good thing decided no to jerk it last night.

They start making out again. Getting wood again, so go back in. Artsy Girl straddles me cowgirl while Regular Sex Girl works her titties. Artsy Girl comes with dramatic jerking. Not sure how much performance, but hope the neighbors don’t hear. Or do hear. Claims pussy super sensitive so I awkwardly froggy style Regular Sex Girl so Artsy girl can lick her clit. Also tongues my balls every once in a while, which is pleasant. Lay Regular Sex Girl on her stomach and do her from the back. Artsy Girl bites her butt and sticks her tongue out. Take condom off and jerk off. She tries to catch it with her tongue but most just dribbles on Regular Sex Girl’s ass. She licks some off. Wonder if I can get third wood. No such luck.

I go in the kitchen and make eggs. Hear them still going at it. Loudly. Get camera. Take some shots, but they come out blurry. Probably for the best. I watch for a while eating my eggs. Semi third wood, but feel like I’ve done enough for the night. I give them omelet and we take some candids. They make me promise never to show anyone. I lie and tell them I won’t. Everyone starts getting dressed. Kiss Regular Sex Girl goodbye. Artsy Girl claims she’s jealous. I tell her to mouthwash it first. Long Three way kiss. Walk them out. Try to give knowing nod to my man at the front desk. He could give a shit.

  1. Jubilance says:

    Wow…that is quite a story…

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