Official Bougie Black Macking Week!

Posted: June 15, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

So there’s a certain Facebook datin group with which I’m associated and has a chapter devoted to it in a new book that’s coming out this year (I will advise when it’s out) and I was looking back on the early days of the group and dug out this old gem. I think it’s time to reinstate Bougie Black Macking Week. So many people are off complaining that they can’t find a man/woman/midget to marry/date/sodomize that I think now’s the perfect time to go out and get it in. Here are some tips I posted for the ladies back in ’07 when the economy was good, but I think they’re just as relevant as they are today (Unfortunately, I still think my boot cut True Religions are too, but that’s just cause I can’t get with this skinny jean shit.) Enjoy and report back your successes:

Since clearly I hit a nerve with the last note, and it seems like there’s a genuine thirst among the bouges to seek out and find a suitable bougie partner, I am declaring the week beginning Friday August 21 and ending Labor Day Monday to be the 1st annual Black Bougie Macking Week. Come on, fellow paper-baggers! This is your chance to throw down that Principles of Tort Law, sign off your company’s VPN, and turn your Blackberry off! It’s macking time! With that said, I’m going to open up the floor for game tips to the opposite sex, since I’ve been told by a number of my female friends who are eligible, smart, and very attractive, that they don’t know how to attract a dude in a social setting, even though I know good dudes that would happily date them. I also know a couple chicks who will turn every dude down in the club and wind up crying on the way back to the car about how lonely they are. So here are a couple tips and tactics for YOU, ladies. And feel free to share what you got for our male audience. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it and so will the fembouge who ends up meeting ol’ boy

1. Smile.

Simplest game in the book. If you look fun and happy, dudes will holla. Most men, whether they admit it or not, fear rejection when they open up a conversation with a woman. Unless they got that good liquor courage in them, in which case, who gives a damn. But if you want sober dudes to talk to you, look like you want to get talked to. If a guy who might be worth your while is checking you out, acknowledge, and give him the green light. This doesn’t make you easy, or less of a challenge, it just means fewer people will pass you by. Crossed arms and an “I’d rather be somewhere with richer dudes than you” look is going to make dudes think “She’d rather be somehwere with richer dudes than me.”

2. Leave the hating ass friend at home.
Listen, I know y’all came together, y’all gonna leave together, ok. But does it help anyone to have her yanking you away from old boy in mid-conversation or beginning of conversation? I know, sometimes, she has to come because she’s your best frind, cousin, ride, etc., but at least give the hateful trollop a good talking to beforehand. I know, “let’s go, these niggas are wack” is a real convincing statement, but if you disagree, show some backbone and tell that monkey to relax.

3. Stop herding.

I mean really, how many dudes are going to fight through all eight of y’all clustered in the middle of the dance floor to talk to you? Statistically, at least 25% of your crew falls into the aformentioned category, so that means a dude has to take down at least two gatekeepers before he gets to you. Think Special Forces, not 81st Infantry type numbers. Two to four in one area is a cool little number to roll with. And stop being so scared to split up. The club aint that big and y’all have unlimited text messaging, you’ll be able to find her. You can find a quiet spot to chop it up with a new friend, and no one’s going to kidnap and sodomize your friend for the five minutes you’re gone.

4. Realize we don’t shotgun mack
Unlike those lucky dudes with do-rags and XXXXXL t-shirts in Adams Morgan, we don’t have the luxury of grabbing every single one of y’all’s arms with a well-timed “A bay bay.” Because of the clusterfuck, we have to be real selective or we end up crossing lines with some chick we had no idea was your (insert bougie association here). Thus, you have to be a little more cooperative if this is going to go anywhere. (See rule 1) Otherwise, it’ll just end up being polite conversation.

5. Leave work at work
Tyler Durden is not his khakis. You are not your job title. Hopefully, you have interests, activities, wants, and dreams that stretch further than getting a corner office with an Eames couch. Talk about that, not about how you went to xxxx and now do xxx and are planning to go to xxx so you can get an xxx degree which will allow you to move into xxx. And let’s all cut out the education/career one upmanship.

6. Flirt
It’s fun, try it!

Ladies, what do you want us guys to do better?

Comments
  1. ellemonah says:

    I’d love for the fellas to actually listen to what I say. My past experiences have shown me that accomplished men usually love to speak about themselves and their accomplishments. That’s all fine and dandy, but can I get a word in about mine, who I am, what I like, etc?

    It may just be a young thing though. The guys I’m referring to are the ones who are fresh-a year out of undergrad and are excited about their corporate jobs, recently purchased car, or whatever else they have going for them. My conversations with seasoned men have shown me different.

  2. Ellemonah:

    I think that’s very good advice. I think sometimes it’s just nerves that make people feel they have to do an info dump to qualify themselves in your eyes. Good thought.

  3. Ha! I’m the queen of not smiling. There was always some guy telling me, “Why you looking so mean?” I didn’t even realize that I had a mug on. I have learned in recent years that it does help a great deal to smile. I’m so over going in packs (damn near over going out period and the more people, the more drama–too much going on!). I wouldn’t want to approach a guy with his boys, so he probably wouldn’t want to approach me standing with five other chicks.

    In refernce to your previous posts, men, please stop stuntin’–or trying to stunt. It’s such a turn-off. Just be you–unless you don’t think that you are good enough (hence stuntin’).

  4. hypnotic says:

    Did you really type True Religions? I’ll ignore that This would have been a great post if you actually included Bougie Week in three or four major cities. Maybe do a followup in mid August.

  5. Hypnotic:

    What’s wrong with the True Religion thing? I should just throw them shits away, huh? As far as the citywide idea, that’s a plan. I just need local managers to run the show.

  6. hypnotic says:

    I find the fit to be atrocious on black women. I have seen too many ladies with the flap pocket way below the butt cheek. And as for men, I can’t stand blatant logos on their asses and the bootcut leg is a bit too extreme for my liking. They really look like girl jeans on guys. It’s just a pet peeve. I have an ex that wears them and another ex that wore samurai; one was a graphic designer the other worked in the music industry. Let’s take a guess at who wore the True Religions? Try A.P.C. or Loomstate. They aren’t expensive. True Religions are overpriced and not even selvedge! If you really want to go in try PBJ’s.

  7. Crash course in Jeans for you there, huh guys? I guess maybe now would be a good time to get rid of my True’s with the Lions and Tigers and Buddha statues and ninjas and shit on the back pocket.

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