Jump-offs, Gumads, Bust Downs & Marriage

Posted: July 8, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Sir, sir, stop running from the camera sir! Thats not your wife, is it, sir?

We're here in Buenos Aires, Argentina searching for Cheaters. And guess what we found? Appalachian Trail, my ass.

Mayne. What a month for the other woman, huh? First John Ensign out in Nevada decides he’s going to get it in with a campaign staffer. Then your boy Mark Sanford decides he’s going to go AWOL from the state he runs for days to get up with his foreign trim. And then it really hit home. Steve McNair gets killed for assumably trying to break things off with his sidepiece. Actually, it’s not so much that it’s been a month for the other woman, it’s been the decade. John Edwards’ wandering cock basically blew out any chance he had of being President. Or VEEP. Or welcome in the Democratic party period. Billy Clint? was shooting nut off on side broads’ dresses like it was Oxyclean (RIP BIlly Mays). Michael Jordan? Getting it on the side. Li’l Wayne? Well, he ain’t married, but when you have two broads pregnant at the same time, my guess is someone musta thought they were the main chick. TI? Has said publicly that he gets it in with other chicks. But because Miss Piggy gets down on the threeway, it’s not cheating. Let’s talk about Eric Benet. Dude locked down the universally acknowledged most beautiful woman in the world (by universally acknowledged, I mean we argue about it all the time) and then CHEATED ON HER! Dog, I can see giving up a political career. Losing half in a divorce proceeding. But you found some better tail than the finest woman in the world? I don’t understand it. Were these dudes raised by wolves? No.

But they are wolves. See, New Pussy is a drug.  I’ve never smoked crack. But I imagine the only reason that a man would smoke crack is because he can’t get New Pussy.  An unscientific surface study of most male crackheads would suggest that it’s been a while since they got some New Pussy. Well, cept for maybe this fella here:

I get it in

I get it in

Naw. IIIIIIIIII get it in

Naw. IIIIIIIIII get it in

Gotta love DC. (Read the full story here, it’s hilarious). So maybe crack is an acceptable substitute for some people, I don’t know. I don’t think women have any idea how intoxicating that drug is. How exciting it is to wonder whether or not we’ll score some NP. To see the NP dealer posted up on your block and have enough in your pocket to cop a bag. But the question becomes, at what point can a NP addict put down the pipe? In some people’s case, it seems like never. No matter what the consequences, what the devasation to their lives and those around them, “It just keep calling (them).”

My estranged brother Pookins St. Randy AKA Pookie

My estranged brother Pookins St. Randy AKA Pookie

I know people will argue it’s a question of discipline and people SHOULD this or should know better that, but in the macro environment, we recognize that cheating exists. It may very well be rampant, I don’t know how accurate polls are (I googled up one study that said 23% of men and 10-15% of women were at some point unfaithful to their spouse and another that said 33% of both men and women). I’ve never been married. I’ve been faithful as a boyfriend but I have no idea how I would react under the pressures and issues of marriage and kids. I hope I’d be able to walk the line. But clearly some people can’t.

Which brings me to marriage. My buddy, Belle, has been going on a tirade of late about cheating husbands. She even said if she was steve McNair’s wife, she wouldn’t go to the funeral. I think that’s a pretty venal reaction, and I doubt it’s true, but I thin it speaks to the hurt and anger cheating can cause. So what can you do if you’re just not a faithful person? Every guy I know wants to get married, no matter how unqualified they are to be a husband. They want a beautiful wife who loves them, and kids to raise and adore. Some of my friends are already married, some of them are well on their way. Some are fighting tooth and nail to stay single just a little longer. But knowing some of them like I know them, I gotta wonder. Some of these dudes are serial philanderers. Like that shit’s in their bloodstream. These dudes are just wolves.  I kinda almost think of them as the straight version of DL dudes. Like at the end of the day, try as they might to be faithful husbands and fit into the box everyone wants them too, they just need something more. Only instead of man-ass at a truck stop, it’s NP. And they’re all very successful, upwardly mobile dudes. Which means they have the male version of NP: Power. If NP is a drug, Power is the currency that buys NP. Where there’s NP, there’s Power, and where there’s power, there’s NP. You can’t separate the two. Doesn’t matter f it’s backstage at the CMA’s, in the boardroom, in the locker room, or on the campaign trail, the two will find each other. I’m not suggesting that the two MUST make an exchange. There are plenty of situations where the two pass right by each other and nothing is asked and nothing is given. But the potential is always there. Especially after the shine’s worn off of the marriage. The wife’s picked up a few pounds. The sex isn’t as explosive as it used to be. You start taking each other for granted. Maybe don’t feel appreciated like you used to. And you’re a wolf. Bill Clinton, make no mistake: he’s a wolf. Steve McNair rest his soul, was a wolf. John F. Kennedy, a wolf.  Nas, he’s a wolf. A-Rod, wolf. The list goes on.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Is there anything a woman can do to stop it? Is there anything the wolf can do? Or do the woman and the wolf just have to make a deal? He can still be a wolf if he brings home something she wants: trip to Paris maybe, $4 million purple diamond, a shot at the presidency? You tell me. Some women have already decided that all men are dogs. She calls the Wolves bad dogs. (NOTE, IF YOU CLICK ON THE LINK AT WORK, TURN THE VOLUME DOWN FIRST!) What’s your take?

Faithfully yours,


  1. 05girl says:


    Yeah ummm… can we get a list?! 😉

  2. What am I, a one trick pony here? I do more than just lists

  3. Reina says:

    I don’t believe there’s anything a woman can do to keep a woman from cheating. What I do believe is that a woman should travel all reasonable avenues to keep a man satisfied AS LONG as that measure is requited.

    I don’t view all men as dogs. I, honestly, believe those that fit said description are only a subset of the gender as a whole. I’ve only been cheated on once in all of my relationships. Maybe I should add “to the best of my knowledge” but I’m as certain as one could be about another’s actions.

    Cheating shows a lack of discipline and respect. There exists no cheating gene. It’s not inherent. If one woman (or man) can’t satisfy you, then don’t commit.

  4. A woman can know the type of man she has.

    Rarely are wolves in sheep’s clothing. You knew he was a wolf when you met and hoped you could tame the wild animal.

    You can’t.

    Ask Sigfreid and Roy how well trying to domesticate wild animals worked out for them.

    If you’re with this type of man then you have a choice:

    1. Leave
    2. Make a deal

    As long as he plays by the rules, you’re good…if he doesn’t..well..

  5. miko says:

    my mother always said if you marry a man and you think he hasn’t cheated on you at least once per decade (ESPECIALLY if he makes a lot of damn money or is in the spotlight in some way), you must be a damn fool.

  6. DayDreamer says:

    My only question is where so you get these pics???? OMGosh! I need a warning. Then again, I’ve been here enough to know better. I’ll just brace myself for your visual additives…. 🙂

  7. […] in general and powerful men in particular can’t seem to keep it in their pants. According to Brandon St. Randy by way of Chris Rock it’s all the fault of New Pussy (or The Booty as the Field Negro calls […]

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