So gosh. Folks really were feeling some kind of way about the last issue of the B St. Arrruh Chronicles. It always interests me that of almost any topic surrounding romance, the one which receives the strongest emotional reaction is finance. People go deep into their bunkers on that, and there’s usually very little compromise on the issue. Why is this so, you ask? Well, a couple things, I venture.

Whats the difference between an appelate judge and a supreme court justice? Like 30-40 million, cocksucker, beat it

""What's the difference between an appelate judge and a supreme court justice?" "Like 30-40 million, cocksucker, beat it""

1. The changing role of women in society. Let’s face it, we’re not quite sure what to make of it. By we, I mean women or men. Men don’t neccesarily know how to deal with a woman who is their financial equal or better, because that’s not really compatible with the traditional role a man being the leader in society. Money=power, so it shifts the dynamic. Women aren’t that comfortable with it either, by all measures. There are women who embrace this removal of barriers and expansion of opportunities wholeheartedly , and throw off or even look down at things considered womanly, like housewifedom or cooking and cleaning. There are also women on the end of the spectrum who want and expect a man to be the provider and will accept nothing less. Then there are women who enjoy the benefits of expanded opportunity but still want the benefits of the traditional role, and find that it’s hard having your cake and eating it too.

And Ill be goddamned if my rims aint too

"And I'll be goddamned if my rims ain't too"

Bottle Service $1500...Stuntin on you h*es, priceless! Actually, more like $2217.38 when you factor in credit card interest, bounced check fee, late fee on credit card...shit

Bottle Service $1500...Stuntin on you h*es, priceless! Actually, more like $2217.38 when you factor in credit card interest, bounced check fee, late fee on credit card...shit

2. The role of Consumption in black social life. Boy, we love money, don’t we? Actually, we must hate it as much as we love it because we give it away like it’s burning a hole in our pockets. You know where I go everytime I need a pic to make a point bout black folks’ culture of crippling consumption? ATLPics.com. The most relationshiply challenged city in America and also the gaudiest in the Southeast. Don’t know if there’s a correlation there, but if someone wants to run a regression analysis, I’m all ears. But on a macro level, Black Americans like to show off accoutrements of wealth I would argue, more than any other people in the world outside of maybe Dubai. It’s our thing. Every rap song I can think of makes at least one allusion to a name-brand product. I saw an MTV Cribs the other day where Soldjah Boy  was showing off his bedroom making a particular point to mention the fact that he was walking on a $2,000 Louis Vuitton rug and slepping on a $100,ooo Gucci bedsheet set. The “rug” he was walking on was actually a beach towel (maybe $350 max).

“Dih whut it feeyah lahk to wawk on $2,000”

Monkey. Why the obsession? My theory is because we’re so ashamed of poverty. as a Black American, you’re never more than two steps away from poverty. Not you yourself, maybe, but on any given day, if you turn on the TV, you will see someone who looks like just you who is poor. And you’re ashamed of it. Your parents may have been poor. And you’re ashamed of it. If you’re poor yourself, you’re probably ashamed of it. So you try to convince people you’re not poor by adopting what you think are the habits of the rich, and ensuring that everyone sees this. Why do you think they elevate the bottle service tables at clubs? So people can see you. Why do they put sparklers in the bottles now? So people can see you. The club owners have realized that you’re not paying to get drunk, you’re paying to have people see you being able to spend lots of money frivolously. Theories aside, it is what it is. Statistically, black males spend 32% more of their income on “visible consumerism” than whites. Argue all day about the cause, but it’s a reality.

3. Trust We don’t trust each other for shit. One of the reasons for the above issue is that we don’t trust each other to be truthful about their wealth.  So unless it’s it in the form of something we can see or feel, we don’t believe it. Warren Buffett drives a Buick and he’s worth about 50-100 Jay-Z’s on any given Sunday. But Jay-Z won’t be seen in anything less than a Maybach because if he did, we’d assume he was going broke. Shit would be all over Mediatakeout. We also don’t trust each other with our feelings. We assume bad intentions on the part of other black people until we’re proven wrong. Go ahead and walk down the street in some strange black residential neighborhood. Folks will eyeball the shit out of you because their assumption until otherwise proven wrong, is that you’re there to do them harm. Likewise, in the dating pool, many people have seen and had so much wrong done to them and others that there’s no value to be had in placing trust with another person regarding your feelings. We’ve made shady the new norm. As AllieXXX noted,

Aaaaahhh mannn! How far will men go to get woman? I don’t care what you guys say…the reason you work so hard for the flyy whips, clothes & jewelry, is to stunt and ATTRACT WOMAN. You men know good and well how we feel about wealthy men with status. Now, men being so aware of how we woman feel about powerful men, pushes some to feel like they have to put up a front. Some of you lame ass dudes front your self right into debt too, spending money that you DO NOT have. Where the FUCK do they do that at? Pshhhh, apparently all these LAMES are in our upscale night clubs every Friday & Saturday poppin mad bottles, in the latest fashions, & RENTED exotic cars. Along with all them “diamonds” in their chain, there’s always some young DUMB BITC\H trailing behind his ass because she think he got some cake.WAIT — don’t get me wrong I wont refuse a drink from yo broke ass, but I WILL keep it moving.Ive found out about a few men on the South Beach scene that aren’t what they appear to be threw coworkers …like “I dance with your baby momma, you NOT THAT NIGGA”. Ughhhh, y’all know the ones umm talking bout, the ones that claim they ‘ballinn’ yet works a whack job and stuntin with good credit. By Sunday night he done maxed out his gold card tryin’ to bag a bitch. Either that or him and his friends put their checks together for a table.LADIES BEWARE OF THE WEEKEND BALLER.

And then there’s Absolut Brooke who I mentioned in a previous post who  mentions

“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” -Carrie Bradshaw

until then..there is louis vuitton, whom has never failed me.

Now, I’ll admit these aren’t women who are neccesarily representative of mainstream black women but their lack of faith in the opposite sex is hardly a rare concept. So then you get women who don’t trust men with their feelings and thus don’t neccesarily like or respect these men, but will accept physical consumer goods from then. And then you get men who don’t trust that the woman in question actually is interested in them for anything more than their ability to contribute physical consumer goods. Isn’t that ironic? We spend all our time trying to prove how much money we have, but then get mad at you because we think you’re only after this money we’ve spent all night trying to prove to you we have? Don’t you think? Someone tweeted today about how all her white homegirls from grad school are engaged or married but almost none of her black ones are. When it boils down to it, I think the reason we don’t is because we find it so hard to trust other black people with our feelings, lives, and futures. And why shouldn’t we? We’re a shady ass bunch of people on some level. We got Steve McNair caking up some jump-off and trying to get rid of her when the shit looks like it’s about to hit the fan. Weezy’s knocking up not only his girlfreind but his side girlfriend at the same time. Superhead’s giving brain to anyone who’ll give her a place to stay and then outing them in her book for a couple bucks. Kobe’s off cheating on his wife. But a $4 million ring will make her shut the fuck up quick, won’t it? And these are our celebrities. Our role models supposedly. As Fly mentioned last week:

I was taught to allow a man to spend his money on me, because if he’s not spending it on me then I can bet that he’s spending it on some other woman (or rims or jewelry or shoes or whatever the hell else that makes these men feel flashy). Call it what you like…

So clearly she doesn’t trust this man, and guess what? He probably doesn’t trust her either. Good luck getting married, having kids and maintaining a relationship! Or, actually, maybe don’t, lest you end up like Nas and Kelis. We got Kelis trying to stick Nas for just the baby money but $15,000 in trips and entertainment a month. Shit, we got Nas cheating on his wife while she’s pregnant. And let SBW tell it:

Kelis is MARRIED to a millionaire who (allegedly) cheated on her and was abusive (that’s y she filed) an isn’t fotoing any of the expenses for his unborn child. In that situation you hit a man where it hurts – his wallet

Yup. That’s what it’s become. Ladies, we hit you where it hurts: fidelity. And you hit us where it hurts: our pockets. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind, I guess.

Coming soon: The gold-digger issue!

Comments
  1. Brown Sugar says:

    I understand Kelis’ vindictiveness. I can’t tell you that I wouldn’t go for the jugular if someone were cheating on me while I was pregnant.

    However, I don’t buy into the “all men are dogs” meme. As a matter of fact I’ve been way to trusting in the past and have been burned because of it…but that’s part of life…you learn to make better choices.

    But yeah I feel on the we don’t trust each other tip…I have an ex that’s not real trusting of anyone…and I realize (though he trusts me) that I can’t get back with him seriously b/c I think that’s a pretty crappy way to live life.

  2. 05girl says:

    Another great post. I think you hit the nail on the regarding shady-ness.

  3. CNN says:

    Realest shit you ever wrote….I almost yelled preach out loud. Ive been saying for years there is no trust or loyalty among black people.

  4. Anna says:

    Mmm-hmmm. I feel you on this post. Trust is a MAJOR factor. I don’t know about this Kelis “pay me cuz I’m hurt” thing. Cheating on me while I’m pregnant? My first instinct wouldn’t really be for his wallet. Not saying I would hurt the man….but if I was him I wouldn’t just take my safety for granted. Blame it on the ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hormones.

    I think that some of the fake baller bs calms down as we get older. For many of us priorities change from those early 20’s (money, women and gettin’ flossed on) to your mid to late 20’s and early 30’s (house, credit, 401K). I don’t see anything wrong with that. I think (ok, hope) that the kids these days may be a bit savvier than my age group was a decade ago and catch on to the money game at a younger age. I see a lot of dudes my age or a bit older who are just now getting it together. Maybe the pendulum will swing in the direction of better sense with dating as well. *Takes another sip of Wishful Thinkin’ Morning Blend tea*

    But there are plenty of us who see the light on this issue – you won’t find Da Man and me poppin’ bottles anywhere. We save, we DIY on a lot of things. Because we’re trying to buy a house and have a comfortable retirement. Could this be a visibility issue? There are plenty of Black folks who are savvy with their money, you just don’t see us. We’re not flossin’ in the club, driving fancy cars or rockin’ the latest Louis. We’re at the commissary with coupons, or the local park with a grill.

    I have soo many thoughts on your post (well done RSB). Gotta get up to B-More for a meeting though, and still need to polish my grill, lol.

  5. TheSweetestThing says:

    You seem a little angry today BSR, or maybe fed up? I mentioned to a friend not too long ago how I noticed 2 of my white male coworkers are engaged and/or buying a house together. And how the 1 guy has been to what seems like a wedding a week with his peers getting hitched. I’ve been to 1 black wedding in 3 years, and I hear trust issues in some of my friends. None are getting married or engaged for that matter.Companionship is a basic human desire, but I don’t think this is ever going to get better with black people. I’m pessimistic about the future status quo of the black family. I am single myself and sometimes feel like I’ll end up with 11 cats. I hate cats!

  6. Achitude says:

    ” Ladies, we hit you where it hurts: fidelity. And you hit us where it hurts: our pockets. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind, I guess.”

    sad but so real. you summed it up so well – got nothing to add to that.

  7. BrownBelle says:

    I think the problem is black people care too much about money, and not enough about what we really need to make ourselves happy. I want a man with ambition, drive and a good work ethic. Maybe he runs his own barbershop, or maybe he’s on the corporate track. Either way it doesn’t make a difference to me as long as he displays those traits.

    I am getting my education now so that I can eventually pursue a career in public interest law. My dad would rather me write up contracts and deal with mergers & acquisitions so I can get the $160k starting salary, but my passion lies in helping other people. I’d rather make $45k/yr and enjoy the job that I spend most of my week doing, than make six figures and never have time to enjoy the money because I’m working 10 hrs/day, 6 days/wk.

    What I’m trying to say is, yes, money does pay the bills. But it won’t ever buy true happiness. Lots of money makes life easier, but you can have a good life without being a multi-millionaire. I am doing what it takes to take care of myself and make myself happy so that when the right man comes along, I judge him by how he makes me feel and how he treats me rather than by what he can buy me.

  8. Reina says:

    Seeing any man’s material possessions does not move me. Show me your investment portfolio. Ok. I’ll save that for the golddigger post.

    #1 applies to me, though. The further I ascend, the less likely I’ll marry. I demand to be treated as an equal, not a dependent. However, I still want to cherished & treated like I’m fragile and all that ish. Eh, I’ll work it out.

  9. Show me your investment portfolio. Ok. I’ll save that for the golddigger post.

    LOL.

    u s like me when the conversation comes up about ballers and what not. I lived in Miami and Atlanta during the heyday of the flossing era, so i know ALL about the guys making it rain over the weekend in their rented cars, just to head back to liberty city or marietta for their monday – friday…lol.

    It’s the guy with the Buick who may be the real baller…

    So yeah I don’t assume anybody has anything ‘less I see the investment portfolio…otherwise it’s all smoke and mirrors.

  10. Stank-0 says:

    The closest I will come to flossin is rocking a nice suit. I got to be on the same level as the people I work with/gotta dress for the job I want not the job I have.

    I ain’t show nay a person my investments. You better have IRS/FBI/Treasury on your badge before I show my financials to you.

    I know black folks can do better, we just don’t.

    I also agree this is an age issue. Once you age (not necessarily grow up) your focus shifts.

  11. REALLY ENJOYED THE JAY-Z WARREN COMPARISON says:

    You somewhat touched on it but I think low self-esteem has a lot to do with it. I think for the most part most black people have low self-esteem. Not to the point where they feel sad about themselves but to a point where their SELF-esteem is low unless EVERYONE else approves or loves them. I think esteem should be SELF generated regardless of outside intervention. I think when people get these nice things and other people comment positively on it then their self esteem rises. Just like celebrities who will read blogs and have 1000 positive comments about them but get bent out of shape by the 10 or so negative ones. Or women who doesn’t pay attention to the 10 guys who say she is pretty but the 1 guy who seems indifferent about her. It’s ironic because low self-esteem will drive you to achieve mass of wealth to become loved, as well as prevent you from trying to obtain masses of wealth (because you don’t want to face the ridicule if you fail). Self-Esteem is a hell of a catch-22.

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