The Marriage Chronicles IV: Guys Really DO want to get married

Posted: July 30, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The entire staff at St. Randy Enterprises is delighted to present you with what I think will be one of our best blogs ever. It’s a rare treat that we get to have a guest blogger who’s not only an old and dear friend of mine, but a Man of the Cloth.

Seth and family

Seth and family

Pastor Seth Pickens and I went to a small but pretty decent college on the red clay hills of Atlanta some years ago. Since then, he has lived an extraordinary life of service, and today is the Pastor at Zion Hill Baptist Church in Los Angeles. I’m very proud to have been there as he and his lovely wife literally jumped the broom. Seth also writes one of the best blogs in the blogosphere, How I Got Over

If you’re in the LA area, Zion Hill is at 7860 Tenth Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

Map

Map

Without further ado, here’s the Pastor:

I’m lucky enough to be in my early 30s, educated, been around the world, and currently working in a field that has an unlimited upside. I’m also married with one child and another on the way. Marriage sometimes gets a bad rap in our society, but I happen to be enjoying it immensely. Before I give you the top 5 reasons I love being married, let me share a life philosophy and decision I made about five years before I met the woman who would later be my wife:

I decided to be happy.

I was happy single, so I’m happy married. If you’re not content alone, you won’t be content with someone else for long. I’ve noticed that a lot of single people are complaining and/or taking drastic measures to fill the void of loneliness. Marriage won’t necessarily solve that problem. There are almost as many married people these days looking for a way out–trying to get their freedom back. Divorce won’t always grant you freedom, it usually leads to more baggage rather than less, in fact.

I got married, and we plan to stay married, even though we argue sometimes. Miscommunication, anger, boredom, and other undesirables happen in any relationship. No need to be surprised when they appear in a marriage. But, when two friends decide they are going to stick it out and be happy together, what can stop them? With that, here are 5 reasons I love being married.

1. I’m in love. I grew up in the hip-hop generation. I spent the 90s with JT Money, Luke, Snoop Dogg, AMG, Too Short, and all the rest telling me never to fall in love. Add to that the fact that my heart got broken one good time back in 9th grade, and I was always cool as ice when it came to the ladies. Not bragging, but by my 20s, I could set my sights on virtually any woman regardless of race, class, or age, and make a play. We’d have some fun until I got bored or she got too serious, then it was on to the next conquest. Then I met Isis. On our very first date, I literally heard bells ringing in my head. Ding! Ding! Ding! Like everything she said was a correct answer on a game show. Sure, she was sexy and intelligent, but there was a key difference with her: I actually liked her! It wasn’t quite love at first site, but we definitely fell hard for one another after just a few days hanging out. I was calling my friends like, “hey man, I’m in love.” People who knew me knew that it must be serious if I was trading in my Noreaga for New Edition. That kind of infatuation never lasts forever…unless you work to make sure that it does, and we do. What could be better than being in love?

2. Two are better than one. This is true in so many ways. When you’re married, you have a friend checking you out before you leave the house every morning. You have someone to pray with (2 people praying in agreement for something are more effective than one; they just are). As a couple, one can run errands, the other can be making dinner. That way, both get their dry cleaning and a homecooked meal. Single people often can’t have it all in the same regard. Plus, two people can maintain a household together for far less money than 2 people living separately. Also, good women tend to push their husbands to achieve. I’m pretty terrific, and I’ve been destined to see some success no matter what, but I must admit, much of it has come through the prompting, plotting, and brainststorming of my wife. And there’s more to come.

3. The sex is the bomb. I can’t speak for other guys or other couples, but I am the most sexually satisfied I’ve ever been in my life. I had gotten my share of action as a bachelor, but it wasn’t until I met my bride that I knew what it meant to make love. The difference between making love and having sex is like the difference between a Bentley and a Chrysler 300: they look similar from a distance, and you can barely distinguish the two while intoxicated, but get close enough, and it’s plain to see why the sticker price for one is 15x more than the other. I’m not going to get too specific, but let’s just say you can be much more free with a spouse than you might be with someone in whose presence you have yet to fart. We all know that sex is a part of being grown–an important part. And to have a friend who you’re sexually compatible with, satisfied by, and emotionally committed to…priceless.

4. Kids. All that love-making has led to 2 kids. You don’t have to be married to make, have, or rear children, but it is arguably the best way to do it. Being a father has been one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. I’m glad my kids get to be in a stable home, and they are a great stabilizing factor for us. When you have a child to care for, you have no choice but to grow up yourself in many ways. As a father, (most of) the cynicism I have toward the world has simply vanished. There’s no replacing the pure joy and laughter that kids bring into a home. You can gave great kids without being married, and you can have a great marriage without kids, but when the two are combined and everyone is committed to living in harmony, it’s a beautiful thing.

5. Overcoming challenges makes you better.
Don’t get me wrong, there are difficulties in any station in life, and marriage is no exception. For all of the joy and sweet lovemaking and economies of scale married people enjoy, there is bound to be some hell along the way. Deciding how you’re going to manage money as a unit can be a challenge. Being big enough to apologize and to accept an apology takes maturity. Dealing with someone else’s parents and habits and addictions and work ethic is not easy, yet avoiding any of those things will only make life worse. Marriage is a challenge, kind of like learning a new language or maxing out in the weightroom. At first it sounds great, then once you get into it, it seems impossible. But if you stick with it, you will overcome, and when you do, new worlds and new opportunities open up. Things that you never could have imagined before become possible.

That’s just me–no two marriages are identical, though. Also, as wonderful as it is, my marriage is not all-consuming. I still need to play basketball with the fellas, and I still look forward to going to work. She still likes to do things without me as well. We are two independent people who have decided to join forces, and so far, it’s been swell.

Pastor Seth Pickens

Comments
  1. DayDreamer says:

    (Ummm has Pastor Seth seen YOUR questionable pics on here?! And you talk about ME. LOL…)

    “I decided to be happy.
    I was happy single, so I’m happy married. If you’re not content alone, you won’t be content with someone else for long. I’ve noticed that a lot of single people are complaining and/or taking drastic measures to fill the void of loneliness.”

    I LOVE this. Although, I’m finding that a bit of companionship would be appreciated now that I’ve become happy with myself. I’m happy single & I love me, but there’s only so much one can do alone and with friends. Wait, that sounds X-rated but it’s not meant to be. The single-world needs more single men with a Pastor Seth outlook on marriage. If you know any Brandon send him(or them) my way. I’m accepting applications. 😉

  2. Between my mother and I there are 3 kids.

    My daughter – 5
    My oldest little sister – 8
    My little little sister – 7

    We live in the same house. We argue over the children. We argue about our issues. We joke, we laugh, we play.

    I take folk to swimming lessons – dance – will be joining the PTA and chaperoning field trips.

    There is no way in HELL I would get marry and live with another adult again…in life…that I’m involved with on any level.

    I can’t do it.

    I just realized this today.

    Marriage is just not for me.

    We can date. We can be in a long term committed relationships. But I refuse to share my space with another human being on a daily basis. REFUSE.

    Just can’t do it.

    • luvtheshoes says:

      “We can date. We can be in a long term committed relationships. But I refuse to share my space with another human being on a daily basis. REFUSE.”

      I’m so glad someone else feels the same way. I tell my circle of friends all the time that I’ll spend the next 20 years with the same man, but I do not want to share a house with him. I’ve been married and now with more life experience behind me, I realize I’m much too independent to make the sacrifices needed to live with someone who isn’t my flesh and blood. It may not be what works for everyone else, but I know now what I need for my life.

      And best wishes to Seth and his family. He seems like a fantastic man!

      • I realize I’m much too independent to make the sacrifices needed to live with someone who isn’t my flesh and blood. It may not be what works for everyone else,

        Yep.

        I’m too selfish.

        I don’t want to make the compromises necessary to live with someone else.

        And after living with my mom and the kids I know that I’m not doing it …. nope.

  3. Tara says:

    Love it! Thanks for the post, Pastor Seth and BSR…I was starting to become discouraged after reading some of these blog posts and reflecting on my own experiences with the men I’ve come across over the years, LOL (I laugh but I’m actually serious). I wonder if Pastor Seth’s outlook on marriage is largely a result of his spiritual beliefs (I would think so) or if we’re looking at a pro-marriage brotha that just so happens to be a man of the cloth… Either way, I love it and we (sistas) could stand to hear more positivity from brothas on this topic instead of stuff like “marriage is really your thing” and “marriage isn’t really that fun” (um, have you ever been married, BSR or was that just speculation?).

    • sethpickens says:

      “I wonder if Pastor Seth’s outlook on marriage is largely a result of his spiritual beliefs (I would think so) or if we’re looking at a pro-marriage brotha that just so happens to be a man of the cloth…”

      Tara,

      One thing I only alluded to in the article is the fact that marriage is spiritual. Not saying you have to jump up and down and shout in church every week to make a marriage work, but you do have to cultivate maturity, selflessness, patience, and unconditional love, among other things. Spirituality at its best helps you do that. Even couples who don’t go to church are likely to still ask a pastor to perform the service. Unless you’re a staunch atheist (I’m sure there are some happily married atheists), you want God’s blessing on the situation. When “two hearts become one,”
      that not a physiological union, it is spiritual.

  4. 100K says:

    Good for him.

    Marriage aint for everyone though

  5. Anna says:

    Let the church say,

    Amen.

  6. Nicole says:

    @ #6-
    Amen Pastor Seth! AMEN AMEN AMEN!

  7. angela says:

    This is quite possibly the most uplifting, sweetest, down to earth thing I have ever read. I love it.

  8. Anger Management says:

    I must admit that its refreshing to hear this from a man 🙂 Good job!

  9. Coach Phil says:

    Great post. Loving the perspective, especially since i just tied the knot on August 1st!

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