The Communication Chronicles III: Whoamiz

Posted: August 18, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,
You so lucky to have me

You so lucky to have me

So on the blogosphere, here’s how it typiclly works: Jackass blogger who’s as qualified to write about relationships as Osama Bin Ladin is to teach a tolerance seminar spouts off ad infinetum about what the other gender is doing wrong. Blogger throws out incindiary insults in order to get mad comments and eventually be nominated for a Black Weblogs award. Commentors respond with vitriol and anger and get into fights amongst themselves. Usually, their comments begin as such:

“Wait just a second. I’m a good black woman and….”

“This is the realest post I ever read. As one of the few good black men….”

But let’s reel this thing in for a second. What exactly do you mean by a “good black person?” And isn’t the underlying tone that the rest of the blacks are “bad.” What is it that separates you from your lazy, heathenish brethren and makes you such a catch? I specifically ask this because I often wonder, if you’re so “good”, why is it that you’re so single and yet members of your gender who you view as your inferior are booed up?

“I want to express my anger and frustration as a man with the women I feel are miseducated, misinformed, and ill-prepared about their responsibilities in getting and maintaining a relationship with a man of quality,”

says Dante Moore, author of the book, “The Re-Education of the Female.”

You can tell Im a good man from the soft lighting and my unbuttoned shirt

You can tell I'm a good man from the soft lighting and my unbuttoned shirt

“James,” is tired of women taking him for his money.  He claims he can’t find a good woman to save his life.  He b*tches and moans about how the women he dates are worthless and laments about how he could never wife any of the women ends up stumbling over.  However, James is frequently heard saying the following statements:  “I am a young and powerful professional,  I have a house, like 2 cars, I went to an Ivy League school, I have two degrees, I make like 6 figures……etc etc etc.  James is frequently heard spewing all of his resume stats somewhere during his first time meeting a new woman.  To me, it sounds like the teacher and Peppermint Patty….wooowaaawaawaaa.   James acts like he is Prince Hakim and the royal rose petal throwers from Zamunda are supposed to monitor his every move and also keep stacks of his resumes on hand to staple to his forehead  and to slap random women with his wallet upon his entrance into a room.

From our friends at P.O.S.H.

“I KNOW I am a good woman and a great catch, if I do say so myself.  No, I don’t go around qoting my stats or throwing my good woman weight around, but I know my parents raised me right and I am an asset.  Most of my friends share my qualities because you surround yourself with people you aspire to be like or who have like goals and ambitions.

I am a Christian woman, a well educated attorney, and I am  on my ish daily handling my business.  I can throw down in the kitchen, organize a dinner party in minutes, attend a Sorority or Links function, and swing a mean hammer around the house.  I listen well, communicate my issues, and try to not let my take charge personality strip a man of his hunt and gather mentality.  I understand the principle of a man running a household, which makes me a little old fashioned in my beliefs.   Which is why I said asset ladies.  ( I know I will get a few hate comments off that one).  So why are so many good women like myself single?  Because men are too caught up in their own issues and miss out.”

Men Run and Choose Lesser Candidates Because Its Easy – no matter how you swing it, only strong men are not intimimdated by a good woman who has her shit together.  If I had a dollar for everytime some man told me he felt like he couldn’t match my hustle, I could help with the bailout myself.  Men say they want a woman who cooks, is a mini mogul herself blah blah blah…but when it comes down to it, the Girl at the Gap and the one who can’t cook are easily disposed of.  Its so much harder to throw away a quality candidate…so instead men run from the qualified and languish in the land of easy and free cheeks.”

Also from P.O.S.H.

See the view? That means Im gooder than them ground floor hoes you deal with.

See the view? That means I'm gooder than them ground floor hoes you deal with.

So we’re all these great people, so much better than the riff-raff and filth who run around in relationships. So what gives? Are we having trouble communicating our hotness to other folks. Is our sales and PR staff just out to lunch? I mean why else wouldn’t people be lining up to court and sleep with us if we’re as much the shit as we say we are? Or is this just a case of Grade Inflation, like I talked about a couple weeks ago? Are the things we claim make us such a great catch really not that hot? Are we selling seatwarmers to Saudi Arabians? You tell me.

  1. The poster at P.O.S.H. didn’t list any qualities that make her stand out from the rest of us educated, professional, I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. women. And while those qualities are great, they are pretty common, even though we like to tell ourselves that we are doing something special that other women are not. The girl at the gap does some of these things, too (and probably some other qualities the P.O.S.H. poster did not name), except she has a man…and many of the so-called “better candidates” do not. I think it’s partially grade inflation, but mostly that the things we think make us the perfect catch just aren’t that awesome…I think common was the word I used above.

  2. The Lioness says:

    I am really loving this series! I, too, am guilty of saying that I am a “good black woman” but I think that too often we (including myself) use the wrong things to describe what that means. Oh, I’m good so this means I have my own place, or my own car, or I’m educated, or I don’t have kids. That really shouldn’t be what defines us as a “good” potential mate. That stuff is just paper and that’s where it looks good at- on paper. I think the main thing here is understanding what makes us a good potential mate in terms of who we are and not what we own. I’m a good man/woman because I am faithful, honest, compassionate, giving, etc.

  3. 05girl says:

    This post was excellent. When I read POSH’s description of being a “good woman,” I too wondered where the non-material things lied. The same for a “good man.” When I think of why I’m a “good woman” for a man, it’s because I can be fun/enjoying having a good time, enjoy diverse conversation, I’m loyal, I know how to be a friend/supportive, I am not one for drama, and shucks I think I’m good eye candy too. I’m not just a good woman, I’m a good person.

    I also think of what my mom says – that she raised some good kids. Her pride is in the fact that we didn’t give her lots of problems, we’re not strung out on drugs, not in jail, etc. That’s it.
    Ironic I also got into a convo with a friend about “independent” women last night. Some of the things touted as “independent” are just done because they have to be. OK I pay my bills – who else is going to do that? I have a car – welllll I live in a city that requires one. I fixed my toilet…welll I know how to Google. It’s not like there’s a bunch of totally dependent-can’t-do-a-damn-thing-for-myself women out there being scooped up by men.

  4. true2me says:

    hi..first time poster here..

    Man..bump all that paper stuff…we single cause we all too full of one is good enough for us…we are god and determined to get that perfect man cause I aint go to school 8 years for nothing..uh huh…lol..and I “deserve”..blah blah blah..

    Im frankly sick of people thinking they better cause they have a degree, a mortgage and a car note to wipe they ass with. Im like the previous poster..when I say im good its cause I name qualities about my personality..not about what I have accomplished.

    As my friends can’t laugh and joke with that PH.d…and it damn sure isn’t going to give you brain in the other sense

  5. Stank-0 says:

    I agree with N.I.A. We are a bunch of grade inflators. We all gettin so that’s raised the bar. You can list your accomplishments? Join the club. What else can you do?

    What do you bring to the table as a person seeking a relationship? If you don’t have a good answer…

  6. Pepe Sanchez says:

    Interesting topic. Seems to me that underlying a lot of the “I’m a good man/woman” jargon is a whole lot of judgmental bs. Truth is you don’t know what the next person is bringing to the table. Comparing yourself to Ray Ray and Sheniquas telationshi won’t make your prospects ant better. So if you’re single and profess to be a good man/woman, maybe it’s not your time. I will say one thing, blaming everybody else won’t help your situation. And as a friend is fond of saying “if it’s everyone else–it’s you”

    –Stay thirsty my friends.

  7. The Sweetest Thing says:

    “I’m a good woman/man” is becoming or has become as cliche as, “I’m a strong black woman”. Every black woman is a strong black woman if you ask her. And yes this is a case of 2 parts grade inflation and 1 part crazy. By crazy I am referring to the “good black men” like ones I have encountered that have lied, cheated, had children outside of the relationship, not taken care of his family, been abusive, etc. ya know, the good catches.

  8. jazk says:

    funk all that. the riff raff are the MAJORITY, so they have no trouble finding one another. the reason we are more likely to be single is because we CANT find our equals within our race, there are simply too few of us.

  9. Ultimately people think to highly of themselves.

    We’re a country of narcissists and narcissists don’t make good honey bunnies.

    There is also a HUGE entitlement mentality. Everyone likes to say that the poor (or blacks) feel entitled – yeah ’cause wanting food to eat and a safe place to say is expecting too much – but those who feel truly entitled are at the top of the food chain.

    Professional black women want their Heathcliff Huxtable or their Barack Obama

    Professional black men want their Michelle or Claire or Beyonce (or Heidi Klum)

    No one feels they should have to comromise settle.

    Rarely are any of us as good as we think we are.

    Everyone should come down a few notches, back to Earth and then maybe more hooking up can happen and less listing of resumes.

  10. b.collins says:

    I have no idea if I’m an amazing black woman because I honestly don’t care enough to pretend my shit doesn’t stick sometimes. I totally believe in tooting your own horn because if you don’t, who will, but there seems to be a major lack o humility and understanding in our community. Many are running around w/ their “resumes stapled to their foreheads” or looking down on others from their executive office view. The real problem is this: just because you have an ivy league degree or a great job, doesn’t mean you’re a good person. If you’re running around being a douche, than chances are you’re gonna be a single douche. Perhaps you should take the time spent bitching and moaning & replace it with trying to be a complete person of great character. That way when someone comes your way, you’ll be “ready.”

  11. tulani says:

    all very very true. enjoyed the read, back it 100.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s