Manlaw Vol 1. The Fall MAN-ual

Posted: August 24, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,
And so it was spaketh

And so it was spaketh

Dear middle class black brethren:

And by that, let me add upper class and working class aspiring to break into the middle. We need you, guys. By we, I mean the race. You are the key to figuring this thing out. Listen, we go hard at the women all day for their failings, their insecurities, their attitudes, etc. But let’s be clear, they’re actually doing alright. Statistically, they’re getting it in much harder than we are. Academically, professionally, financially. And that’s an embarrassment.

Ladies, if you’re reading, some of this may come off as mysogynistic and maybe a tad sexist. Log off now if you get easily offended or want to wave your woman flag. You’re welcome to get in this conversation, because you’re an important part of it, but it’s not really directed at you.

Without you succeeding and thriving, black guy, this whole wagon train doesn’t go anywhere. Kids don’t get raised as right as they should be, families can’t put together wealth like they should, and the yung’uns don’t have the big homies to look up to like they ought to. So in this series, we’re going to discuss a couple things I’ve been seeing and hearing out in the world, and we’re going to get back on track here. For a lot of you that read this, you’re already there, and this is remedial for you. Congratulations. Make sure you pull some other brother’s coat that needs some help.

This first issue is going to be really broad brush stuff, but I think it’s important. As the leaves begin to change color, and Saturdays are the province of college football, I think it’s a great time for renewal and re-dedication. With that said, here is manlaw for Fall 2009

See the ring. Its the ring of focus. Now kiss it.

See the ring. It's the ring of focus. Now kiss it.

1. Focus, dude. A lot of us spend a lot of time and money on very low-value activities. I’m as guilty as anyone. I ran some numbers the other day, and had I been more disciplined in how I managed my life, I would have had enough money to buy a used but well kept Ferrari cash. That’s a lot of dicked off money. And worse, we dick off a lot of time. Because we’re unfocused. We’re unsure of what we want and need a lot of the time so we default to the easy or the right in front of us or the socially accepted. What we all really need to do is take a little time figuring things out before we act. Look at the scenarios, run the sensitivity analysis, figure the variables. This can relate to anything. A lot of people I know have side hustles. Very few successful people I know have side hustles. What’s Mark Zuckerberg’s side hustle. Oh, wait, he was too busy turning Facebook into a media conglomerate to have one. You think Tim Tebow plays minor league baseball on the side? Fuck no. He’s focused. On winning that third championship. Meanwhile, you have a square job which you half-ass at, a non-profit you haven’t put any work into in two years, and you try to throw parties every now an again. Focus, man. Figure out what you can be great at or at least enjoy, and go balls to the wall on that. Once you have that straight, then you can start expanding. But splitting time just equals half-assing two things the majority of the time.

The same can be said of relationships. If you want to be in a relationship, focus on it. Make sure you have the right person, and if you’re meeting people, throw the wrong ones out. Dating is expensive, and if there’s no future to be had or you’re lukewar about it, let it go. Be ok with being the bad guy early, so you’re not Hitler later on. If you want to be pimping, pimp hard. don’t have a bunch of girls sucking up your time, money, and emotional energy up because they want to be in “relationettes” (blog coming soon).

This ni**a GETS chivalry

This ni**a GETS chivalry

2. Do Chivalry. There’s a lot of hemming and hawing on the blogs and around the bars about women not appreciating chivalry or wanting to be all independent and open their own door and shit. Or even mouthing off when chivalry is offered. Shut that shit down. Stop being all sensitive about whether you’re gonna get a thank you card or a smile. Chivalry is not about reciprocity, it’s about you as a man doing the things that are right. If she doesn’t appreciate it, that’s fine. Another one will. I walked my ex from a bar to a club a few blocks down the other week. Interrupted my delicious  beer and my conversation because it was the right thing to do. I didn’t want her getting preyed on or whatever by drunken perverts. She’s my ex, so I wasn’t going to get any sex out of it (or was I?) but I would have felt like a douche if I just sat there and let her wander off into the night by herself.And trust me, when I came back, other women at the table noticed. And they approved.

Open the door for a woman and if she gives you some lip about “I can do that myself”, let her know that she’s the woman in this relationship and that you wear the pants. You’re gonna open the door because that’s what you’re gonna do. When a woman challenges your chivalry, she’s disrespecting you, and as a man its your job to put her ass in check. you’re doing the both of you a favor here by letting her know that it’s alright to accept kindness.

I run the show, woman.

I run the show, woman.

3. Stop letting these women run the show. A lot has been made about a woman “letting a man be a man.” Let’s end this all here. A man is a man or he ain’t. A woman can respect and appreciate him doing a man’s job or she can choose not to. But she doesn’t let him do shit. If you want to change your woman’s oil, change it. Don’t wait for her to start that yap about how she can go to Jiffy Lube herself. Take your dirty wifebeater and an oil pan and drive down to Jiffy Lube yourself and pretend that you did it.

(Everybody thinks changing oil is this cool manly thing to do yourself, but frankly, it’s really not. Unless you have an SUV sitting high, you’ll need a lift to get the car up, and then you’ll need to take the used motor oil, properly contained, to a service station or garage that can dispose of it without killing baby seals. It’s really not worth the hassle unless you already have the equipment.)

The same thing goes with other behavior. Men worry way too much about how women are going to perceive or react to something and thus change their behavior. Quit. Men lead, and women will choose. If you’re being or doing something that’s not your bag so a woman will choose you, she’s not really choosing you, she’s choosing your representative. that gets expensive in divorce court.

4. Remove basic bitches from your life. Seriously. Unfollow them on twitter, stop worrying about their whereabouts, and quit complaining about their basicness. They’re not your constituency until you make them such. A lot of basic bitches look really good. That’s why they’re so fucking basic, because you all keep allowing them to be by paying attention to them. if you stopped, they’d have to throw their basic ass tendencies away and focus on being a full, well-rounded responsible adult. But as long as you’re trying to pretend they’re not basic or overlooking their basicness, they’ll continue on being what they are.

This goes for the whole gold-diggery thing too. Listen, women like money. Stop crying about it. It’s a good thing. You can make more money. It’s not like looks or height, or talent, which you have or don’t have. Frankly, if women didn’t like money, you wouldn’t bother getting it. I mean, think about it, if you worked 70 hour dog ass weeks for years, got a penthouse and a Maserati, and could only pull the same women that Tyreefus from South Dakota Avenue could get, wouldn’t you be pissed? Thanks. If you’re on a budget, just quit taking HOES to expensive ass places. And don’t get mad if they choose a richer or trickier dude. Just charge it to the game and move on. and stop being a sponsor if you don’t want to be. If you’re trying to decide where to take a chick, imagine that the scenario ends up being that you guys decide you don’t want to go out anymore. Would you be upset about how much you spent? If yes, go somewhere cheaper.

5. Lose the extraness. Some of you ni**as done started acting like bitches. You dress like bitches, talk about bitch things, and are generally womanly in your handling of life. It’s called douchery. An intrinsic part of being a man means being comfortable with who you are, not trying to put on a masquerade for the world. That’s women’s business, because they’re judged so much by their appearance and other silly things. As a man, you WILL after all is said and done, be judged by your accomplishments. Have no doubt about this. People will not remember what club you bought out the bar at or what outfit you wore to the picnic. These may play some small part in a larger narrative, but in and of themselves, no one’s going to remember. So stop making a fucking spectacle of yourself. It’s unbecoming.

I want to be the black version of this guy

I want to be the black version of this guy

Look, you’re an educated, successful black male. You don’t have to do a lot to beat the curve as it is. So all the attention-whoring and self-aggrandizement just comes across as what it is: raging insecurity. The bow-ties, the ascots, the mohawks, yada ya, please, let them go. (If you’re a homosexual, this does not apply to you. You guys have a different set of standards, and since I don’t really know what’s appropriate for you guys, I’m not going to try and tel you what to do. Go gay marriage!) If you’re just naturally a creative or artsy person, that’s cool. The reason Prince gets away with looking like he does, is because that’s who he is. In his core. If tht’s you, do you. But when you’re doign all this to try to get people’s attention, it just comes off wack

6. Go to they gym. Not just to look buffer for women, but because you feel better. I’ve picked up about 10 lbs. of Muscle in grad school, and I physically feel great. It’s awesome. And it helps when you have to do manly things, like put up drywall or give tall girls piggyback rides. It’s awesome.

More later. Discuss

  1. 24karats says:

    This is pure awesome. Fan-f-ing-tastic.

  2. Reina says:

    You have been on a spectacular roll as of late. This is, by far, my favorite blog of yours.

    *standing effing ovation*

    So all the attention-whoring and self-aggrandizement just comes across as what it is: raging insecurity.

    Reads through loud & clear

  3. yep says:


  4. Jubilance says:

    I was expecting a lot of foolishness, but I love this post. Great stuff!

  5. miko says:

    yep!! when i posted “go to the gym” on FBBDA i got all this beat down from everyone for being superficial…but im happy someone finally endorsed the truth

  6. 100K says:

    Good post. Cosign all of this stuff.

  7. Anna says:

    A hearty e-hug and 2 e-kisses for you, sir. Thank you – please post a link directly on SBM’s site. You’ve quite literally read my mind.

  8. saiorse says:


    where da fellas at? do they only comment when a blog incites man v. woman madness?

  9. @ambizme says:

    by far the best that i’ve read from you…loved every word of it.

  10. Stank-0 says:

    That was realness. I also want to look at the cause of something.

    I feel in my heart of hearts all these man have taken on womanly tendencies because they were raised by women. I sincerely thank my parents for getting back together. I learned alot from Popz by watching, bad and good. The good was men do certain things because we are men.

    I would say #1 and #2 apply to me. Number one because I’m kinda iffy on what exactly I want to do soon after grad school. Long term I got that down and need to start working to make that happen. Number two because I’m self absorbed. I open the door for my boo, but the rest of ya’ll women can generally kick rocks unless you are struggling with something. Charge it to women’s lib. I hear equal I think, I wouldn’t hold the door for some random cat so I won’t for some random woman. Caveat: elderly women get all manner of courtesies.

  11. (If you’re a homosexual, this does not apply to you. You guys have a different set of standards, and since I don’t really know what’s appropriate for you guys, I’m not going to try and tel you what to do. Go gay marriage!


    I feel in my heart of hearts all these man have taken on womanly tendencies because they were raised by women. I sincerely thank my parents for getting back together. I learned alot from Popz by watching, bad and good. The good was men do certain things because we are men.


    Most of the cats I know and know of in the middle/upper middle class set came from 2 parent households. They are douche bags b/c that’s the new “in” thing among the celebrity set (the man purse, scarves, skinny jeans, etc.) and we are a culture that worships celebrity.

    Stop blaming everything on women who’ve been raising kids, male and female since the beginning of time.

    • Anna says:

      The well off douche-bags may be following the trend (and feeling like they can do/say anything because they are mythical creatures – Educated Successful Black Men) but there are a lot of men who are struggling to attain middle class status and generally stay losing because they have no idea of how to be a man. They are men raised by only women and are accustomed to seeing a Black woman working her tail off to make ends meet and take care of them. They see grown men in their communities dressed like children and shirking their roles as fathers. It puts them in a state of perpetual infantilization that’s hard to break out of. I don’t see this as the mother’s fault (how can you blame the parent that takes responsibility for raising the child?) but I’ve seen the effects of it in the school system and also just walking around the DMV. Maybe a topic for another day, but you and Stank-O touched on something that has weighed me down in recent years. And there’s litte as women we can do about it – save not giving these old children any booty.

      • Usually kids who grow up seeing a parent working hard pick up the work ethic..BUT the thing I see happening whether a young man is in a two parent household or not is that many black males are being coddled by their parents…mom AND dad.

        Boys are given the leeway to get away with things girls would NEVER be able to get away with and aren’t being taught the same level of responsibility. I know too many adult males coming out of two parent homes that are little more than grown children but their sisters are on point.

        Like the saying goes – we raise our daughters and love our sons – but all that love isn’t teaching them how to navigate the real world.

  12. afro diva says:

    Excellent & well written!

  13. Great Scott! says:

    Good stuff. Like soul food good, cept’ for the brain. 🙂

  14. icannot says:

    Very Interesting post.

  15. The Lioness says:

    Can you turn this into a free seminar for men? Probably one of the best posts I’ve read all year. Don’t be surprised if we quote you later 😉

  16. tulani says:

    yo. hilarious. hearted it. stealing it. well some of it.

  17. Anger Management says:

    *Standing up and starting with the slow clap* Very well said. Its so refreshing to see a man be a real man.

  18. true2me says:

    Good shyt…keep it comin

  19. excusemeimdrinking says:

    I like this. Thanks

  20. Da Bruhs says:

    I usually dont comment but I Agree with whoever said it was one of the best post i’ve read all year.I also agree with Anna on young men today not having strong positive male role models and not learning what it means to be a man and take on manly responsibilities. Great Post

  21. RCF says:

    Glad to see you back on it, S. Valmont. Nothing like a real self critique of the boys to get them back on point and off that dumb shit. 2009 was the year of the gut check for a lot of men, time to get back to the business and the basics.

  22. Tunde says:

    very good post. well said.

    i agree with every post written. i’m going to speak on number 5 and 6.

    i can’t tell you how much it irks me when i see 3 out of every 5 black men i see with a mohawk. stop being a follower and jocking for attention. everyone wants to copy the latest trend. remember when lil wayne started rocking wallet chains? it seemed like every dude had one. smh.

    the gym is a very essential part of my life. i really don’t have time to go during the day or in the evenings. so i sacrifice. i get to the gym at 5:30am MWF faithfully. no matter what time i go to bed i’m there. i feel so much better about myself after i’ve run a couple of miles or lifted or hooped a couple of games. being out of shape is not a good look.

  23. Homestreet says:

    The Man Law Vol. 1 was very good. I can’t wait until Vol. 2! Douchery is my new favorite word!

  24. Joy says:

    This is awesome!!!!

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