As many of you probably already know, a young lady named Jasmine Lynn was killed a couple days ago on Clark Atlanta’s campus. She was a Spelman Sophomore, all of 19 years old. Her twitter page is still up. There’s a picture of her doing what 19 year olds do, posing in front of a Ferrari at a gas station. She looks happy, a little awkward like people in those years do. But she looks like what she was: A young lady going to college, trying to make it in life.

And now, that life is over. I expressed my frustration with this kind of thing on Twitter yesterday. I attributed this kind of random and reckless violence to the underclass. Of course, my page blew up immediately with people arguing that I was being insulting and disrespectful. The DM’s however, were much more of a mixed bag. The fact is, as black people who are not generally likely to shoot someone, we have truly mixed feelings about how to deal with these issues when they come up, which they inevitably do.
Deborah Ann Brown was gunned down about 9:30 p.m. in the 2900 block of 14th Street NW, not far from the Dunkin’ Donuts where she worked.
The shooting happened just after the annual Columbia Heights Day wrapped up. According to sources, a group of males was sitting on the steps in front of the Greater Washington Urban League when a suspect on a bike rolled up and opened fire on the group, just as Brown was walking past.
Read Article here
Last year, I worked for the summer as a Program Manager for DC’s Green Summer program, a pilot cross-functional program between the District Department of the Environment and the Summer Youth Employment Program. I managed 12 team leaders and maybe a hundred odd kids. They were good kids. A little rowdy, some misguided, but for the most part, like everyone else, they just wanted to live. We used to go out in to sites in the community to do cleanups or work, and invariably, if we were going to certain neighborhoods, some of the kids couldn’t come. It just wasn’t safe for them, because they had some beef or another. It’s hard to fathom living life that way. These were smart kids, with every bit of the potential as anyone else. But because of where they came from or who they knew, they were at legitimate risk of being hurt or killed.
Toward the end of the summer, one of my team leaders, Keith Hines, was shot and killed as he sat on his mother’s porch. Keith was a good guy. He’d had some issues before and done some time, but he was enrolled at UDC, he was working, and he was doing what people do: just trying to live. I doubt they’ve found the shooter.
Read article here
A few months ago, there was a bit of a hubbub because a Morehouse Student who shot another Morehouse student three times was graduating from the college. Not kicked out, not in jail, just graduating and moving on with life. The shooting victim, not so much.
Read article here
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I rail against the underclass.
When I say underclass, I’m not talking about the working class. I’m not talking about people, who because they’re not doctors or lawyers, or weren’t invited to Jack and Jill should be shunned and derided. I’l tell you where I come from. My grandfather on my dad’s side: Bus Driver. My grandmother on my mom’s side: a Domestic. I have 40-odd first cousins, and I’m the only male to go to college. So trust me, I don’t have a problem with the working class. Pretty much my entire family is working class. They work with their hands, or they’re int he service or they work in the penitentiary system. But they work. And they raise their kids. And they progress.
What I’m talking about is a mentality that has been sold to us, and we’ve bought hook, line, and sinker, that we as black people, and especially black men, should be a certain way. And that way is violent, ignorant, and uncouth. I don’t know Joshua Brandon, but from the narrative that came from a couple sources, he drank the kool-aid. Despite the fact that he lived in a 400k townome and drove a Hummer, he at his core wanted to be a member of the underclass. He wanted the cool points and swagger of having a gun and taking no shit from anyone. And because I assume his folks had some clout, he was able to get away with shooting a classmate without so much as a ripple in his life.
Just like, in all reality, the guy who killed Keith, and the guy who killed Jasmine and the guy who killed Deborah Brown will. No one’s gonna testify. No one seent shit. No one’s willing to step up and say “no mas.” Because the underclass doesn’t snitch.
What BET and New Jack City and Menace II Society and everything else in the world have shown us is that it’s awesome to be a gangster. It’s accepted, respectable, and much preferable to being a “bitch nigga.” Regardless of the fact that shooting randomly while running away is bitch nigga shit. Or rolling up on a bike and opening fire is bitch nigga shit. Walking up someone’s porch while he’s unarmed and shooting him in the face is some bitch nigga shit too. Hopping out of a Hummer and pulling out your gun on someone unarmed, bitch nigga shit too. But in the narrative of the underclass, these are all acceptable and respected actions.
And that’s why I can’t accept the underclass mentality as something to be respected or pitied, or not be derided. I can’t get into the whole excuses thing. “Oh, they had it hard” or “You don’t know what was going on in their life.” I used to live in africa, people. You think you’ve seen hard here? Get the fuck outta here. I’ve seen hard. And no, not everyone over there is holding hands and singing kumbuyah. There are some terrible things that goes on in any impoverished condition, anywhere.
But here in America, it’s trickling up. People are CHOOSING to be this, not forced into it by circumstances beyond their control. And we HAVE to stop accepting it. We have to stop letting kids in PG county underperform the entire state of Maryland because even though their folks have money, they want to be” hard.” Cats at Morehouse having guns. Plies pretending he’s a goon even though he went to Miami University in Ohio. We have to stop accepting that those little ignorant children who hang out in Chinatown will steal the Jordans off some kid and push old ladies down in the street. Because if we don’t get it under control, there will be more Jasmine’s.
I don’t live in the neighborhood that most of these people live in. I don’t want to. One of my mom’s clients was killed not long ago at Sursum Corda. If you’re not familiar with Sursum Corda, it’s basically a death trap. It’s the Carter personified. It will be torn down. It will be gentrified. And the people that live there, the crime, and the poverty, and the dysfunction will be pushed out somewhere it can be ignored.
But that’s the thing, you’re not changing the dynamic, you’re just moving it away from where you are. And a lot of black people who are the working class or the lower middle class don’t have the option to just gentrify out the underclass that lives around and among them. They can’t cancel out that risk that their kid is going to get killed by a stray bullet or seduced into being the shooter. They’re stuck with it. And as long as those values persevere, that it’s OK to shoot people, that it’s not OK to demand legal justice for shooting someone, we’re fucked. So you may disagree with me about my nomenclature, or saying I’m being elitist. That’s fine. But I absolutely, thoroughly, and completely reject the underclass values that made Jasmine Lynn’s death possible. If you’re one of those people that are apologizing for or making excuses for that behavior, I reject you too.
Do I have a solution? On a macro scale, no. There are things each of us can do individually; volunteer, mentor a child, etc., but at the end of the day, until the mentality gets right, nothing changes. The mentality has to be killed. Not the Jasmine Lynns.
Posted by: a.b | 09/22/2009 at 02:57 PM
Posted by: Mocha Brown | 09/22/2009 at 02:50 PM
Posted by: danny | 09/21/2009 at 10:30 AM
Posted by: Reecie | 09/21/2009 at 11:57 AM
Well damn. I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I always though Jump-offhood was a nice, convenient way for two consenting adults to get their rocks off without all the pressures and responsibilities of being in a relationship.
NOTE: I use jump-off and FWB interchangeably for the purposes of this conversation. I recognize that the term jump-off has a slightly negative connotation but I’m choosing to ignore the nomenclature and focus on the actual situation.
And this nice young man writes a how-to article and now he’s in hiding, fearing for his life with the Hofstra rape girl and John Edwards. Kidding, kidding, I’m not that naive that I don’t think I understand where some of this vitriol is come from. But I think it does shine a light into some of the messiness that has accompanied the women’s lib and feminism movement. Lost? Follow me for a second.
Part of the feminism movement as I see it was based on the premise that anything a man can do, a woman can do. Whether it’s the boardroom or the bedroom, we are supposed to be equals. So women have the right, ability, and power to do what men do. I think if there’s been a failure in the movement, it’s been a failure to lift things considered feminine up to the same level of respect as things considered masculine. Instead, feminism tried to get many women to adopt masculine behaviors and habits as the bellweather of equality. So instead of honoring being a stay at home mom, feminists decided this was low-value labor to be outsourced to au pairs. Instead of honoring their femininity, many women tried to asexualize themselves to exude masculine power in the workplace. (Hi, Hillary).
This also crossed the line over into dating and sex. The idea that women were too emotional to have uncommitted sex became a pariah idea because it suggested that women were different and therefore, inferior to men. So women adopted the notion that if men could sleep with women and not catch feelings, well, shucks, they could do it too. It’s been a mixed bag.
Love him? I don't even know his name! Nor do I want to!
The good: Women have much more control over their sexuality now. I mean, the reality is, women are sexual creatures. They’re not these demure, virginal animals whose only use for sex is to please their man and procreate. In fact, most women are freaks. And the sexual revolution and women’s lib movement allowed women to explore their sexuality and do all the freaky shit they like without the stigma of shame and judgment of earlier times. This is a good thing.
N*gga gone tell me he'd like me to stay but he has an early meeting! I'm a lady!
The bad: Women aren’t men. For the most part, they’re not wired to deal with sex the way men are. Now, I’ve had a jump off or two in my day that went very well. It was neat and clean emotionally, and filthy and torrid sexually. The best of both worlds. But to some degree, when I look back at all the jump-off type deals, that’s been more the exception than the rule. I have a theory about why men and women are programmed so differently sexually, but women hate it (because it’s true and because they think it lets men off the hook for certain behavior. It’s still true though) so I won’t get into it here. But I think we can accept that some majority, don’t know if it’s 51% or 99% of women look and feel differently at sex than men do.
So back on topic: Why are Vagino-Americans so angry at a man for setting some rules to jump-offhood? I mean, there’s a statistical likelihood that most of these women have been in a jump-off situation at one time or another? Why so serious? My theory is this: They may have ACCEPTED being in a jump-off situation. But they probably didn’t LIKE being a jump-off. And there are probably a ton of reasons why.
1. She doesn’t want the stigma of being a jump-off. Black folks to some degree are still pretty socially conservative. So no matter how freaky a woman is, she probably learned at some point in her life that there are things bad girls do and things good girls do. And having sex with someone who is not your mate is not something good girls do, no matter how many earth shaking orgasms you may get out of the deal. So there’s guilt. Because from the time we’re children, we’re still taught that women’s cookie is supposed to be treasured and only shared with your prince charming. So even if you’re completely good with the idea of having sex without feelings personally, there’s a little midget on your shoulder with a diaper saying you should be ashamed. Or saying that despite the fact that this guy is giving you exactly what you want, he should be giving you something more. Essentially, paying for the p_ssy with some kind of emotional giving. Maybe you’re guilty cause you feel like you’re being easy.
2. She started out cool with it, but her feelings changed. Women, by nature, attach. They become attached to things, people, pets, routines. So while the first few weeks may have been everything they were looking for in terms of hot dirty sex, at some point, they began to look at their fuckbuddy as a whole person, someone whose intellect and interests they’re as intent on exploring as they are the veins on their balls. And most likely, the man didn’t want to change the situation. So they got hurt.
3. She didn’t want to be a jump off in the first place. But that was what buddy was willing to give them and when it came time to fuck or get off the pot, well, they didn’t get off the pot. This might have been because they wanted to screw their way into a relationship or because they wanted to have some part of this person enough that they justified not having the whole part. When trying to screw their way into a relationship didn’t work, again, they got hurt. And while a woman can fool herself into thinking she’s ok with having half of what she wants, at some point, she’ll see buddy actually taking another chick to dinner or see a missed call from a woman on the phone or something else to cruelly remind her that she’s just a dick towel.
You said you liked my poetry!
4. She didn’t KNOW she was a jump off in the first place. Wellllllll, maybe didn’t know is kind of a strong word. Maybe she sorta knew, but there was some ambiguity about the situation, or some signs she chose to ignore. Either way, her intention was to be a girlfriend, not a jizzmop. and now she’s again, hurt. Not just because she feels she was used for sex, but she feels that she was lied to. She also probably feels stupid that she was too naive to read the signs, and blames herself.
So, a point of admission. I did once fall in love with someone who started off as a jump-off. But lest you start to glean hope that this is a possibility for you, ladies, there’s a caveat. which is that I went into it wanting to date her. It just so happened we slept together on the first date. And the second and so on and so on. I wanted to date her but she wanted me to be her jump-off. It was eminently frustrating. And admittedly, it was a little humiliating. Because here’s someone you’re sharing your body with and doing things that can result in children, but the other person doesn’t want to be seen in public with you. Like, am I that embarrassing to be associated with? It was that rat fur cardigan I wore to the fashion show, wasn’t it? I knew it. And then she decides to get in a relationship with someone else. That kind of smarts. I’m still a little bitter about how it all went down.
So I kinda know how it feels. That said it hasn’t stopped me in the past from getting into situations where I knew I had the upper hand because I was less into a particular woman than she was to me. There’ve been a couple that have given me that relationship ultimatum. I’ve declined in all instances. And in most, guess what, we still kept having sex. There was one which was really dumb of m. She wanted us to be exclusive sexually but still date other people. I agreed to this only because she was naked at the time, and I didn’t have the discipline to slow that train down. I didn’t live up to my end of the deal. And I justified it to myself because it was such a stupid concept, and because I felt like she trapped me by springing the parameters at that point. It was manipulative of her, but truth be told, if I were a bigger man, I would have bundled her up in a snuggie and just watched the game with her. She found out, of course, and went ballistic. Because I knew she didn’t just want to be a jump off, but it was all I was realistically going to give her. And so she settled for that.
So here’s my new rules of jump-offhood. Because in between all these sad stories of broken hearts and exploitation, I’ve had some very good, mutually fulfilling jump offs. A couple I’m even mad cool with to this day. Why? Here ya go
1. We both knew what it was. No ambiguity, no mixed messages, we’re here to do it and nothing else. If your feelings change, you tell me, and we stop so you can emotionally simmer down.
2. We’re exes. You can have some great jump-off action with exes because you’re not increasing her body count, you know how to get each other off, and you know how to communicate well enough that if there’s some emotional stff going on, you can talk about it and adjust.Also, as exes, there’s a reason you broke up, so as long as there’s not some secret desire to rekindle, you can take all that relationship crap off the table and concentrate on the pounding.
3. We’re busy. If one or both of us is in med school or working crazy hours, or travel all the time, it makes the situation much more manageable because we become jump-offs by necessity not by choice. You don’t have to wonder why he’s not taking you out to dinner and holding your hand in the park. It’s because he’s knee deep in gunshot wounds at the ER or she’s running the numbers for the 20th time on that acquisition deal with the new discount rate management sent down minutes before the deadline.
With those simple rules in mind, happy humping. It’s getting cold out soon, so jump off safely and responsibly!