Eddie! Why you treat me like animuhl??!!

Posted: September 22, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

How you doing?

Welp. So Eddie Long, pastor at New Birth Missionary Church, one of the country’s biggest megachurched has been accused of being sexually inappropriate with a couple of young mens.

read story here

Am I personally surprised? Not one goddamned bit. Now, I don’t now if Pastor Eddie touched those boys wrongly about the butthole. Probably the only people who do know are the pastor himself and the two accusers in question.

The sad part of this however, is that no one’s surprised. We’ve become so accustomed to malfeasance on the part of super-religious people that it’s almost par for the course. Between Donny McClurkin’s homosexuality and Kirk Franklin’s porn addiction, the motto seems to be “do what I say, not what I do. Cause, me, I get it in.”

That said, those in his church and who generally support these tight suit wearing, Bentley driving prosperity pimps have circled the wagons to defend the pastor. And what else do you expect. These guys have long since ascended from being “men of the lord” to suburban rock stars. And like rock stars, they have a profound effect on people. A friend of mine tweeted how she was depressed, despondent, and suicidal before she started going to New Birth and it was his interpretation of the scriptures that she feels saved her life. As you might expect, she’s come out to voiciferously denounce the accusers and defend a man she feels has helped her spiritually. I can dig it.

What I can’t dig is a man of extreme power and influence using his power to engage in sexual relationships with dudes that are under a mentee relationship with him. If the allegations are true (and I’m not saying they are), that’s an amazing breach of trust and duty. you can’t have it both way, fanatical Christians. You can’t on one hand scream “Touch not my anointed” and in the same breath hedge your bets by saying “we all have sin within us.” Yes, we know your pastor is charismatic. Yes, you have this wild-eyed idea that God himself somehow picked this dude out of everybody else to deliver his word, and not that he just chose that career. But what he’s accused of is repugnant. And victim blaming is not the business here.

But unfortunately, we’re gonna see a lot of it because of this stranglehold the church and religion has on the black community. I said stranglehold. Not important place in supporting the community, not appropriate spiritual place, stranglehold. And Bishop Long is a perfect representative of that stranglehold. Black people (often one step away from economic disaster themselves) go to his church every Sunday to give what few dollars they have in the vain hope that they will be “blessed” with riches. Which last time I checked is completely antithetical to the life and work of Jesus Christ. I’m not suggesting you can’t find a verse in the bible talking about people being blessed with gold and land and Bentleys and shit. But I think if that’s your spiritual motivation, you’re a fucking idiot.

God meant me to push a Bentley. me and Sean Combs taking boys home

Unfortunately, because you’re dealing with a cohort that has been so economically deprived, you’re gonna get a lot of fucking idiots. And some of that idiocy is rooted in need. If you’re a poor or almost poor person who sees no real way up the economic ladder, it has to be extremely tempting to hear a man in a $3,000 suit hopping out of a private jet say “hey, give some money and prayer to Jesus, and you can get paid too. Worked for me!”

Creflo Dollar's Wayne Mansion house

Now back to the young mens. That exact promise of prosperity is exactly what they accuse the Bishop Eddie of exploiting to get them to put some dick in his life. He bought them cars, took them on private jets around the world, introduced them to stars and celebrities. He did the same shit a rapper does to fuck a video model. And my guess is, they took the bait. No one’s saying Eddie raped anybody. Or forced anyone to do anything. Eddie, according to the accusations, just dangled the carrot. And to young men who probably didn’t have that much, it was worth it to take the stick to get these things.And about those loud condemnations of homosexuality from the good Bishop: I mean come on, anyone that interested in talking about homo stuff all the time is probably interested in maybe trying it out a little. Just the tip maybe. I’ll spare you all the black church’s blanket hypocrisy on homosexuality. There’s just not a lot there to say anymore.

But don’t worry too much. If Eddie Long really is a sexual predator, he’s smart enough to choose the right people to prey on. We’re talking people with “credibility issues.” Maybe a history of criminal activity or theft or something else. Like burglary. And eventually, the heat will get too hot, and he’ll be exonerated. It is what it is. Until the next time. Enjoy megachurch, folks. Hope that 10% tithe comes back at ya!

  1. Brittany C says:

    Great post. Ridiculous title (and random references) aside.

  2. David says:

    Just wait till others come forward—In retrospect–I always thought Eddie’s appearance was a bit strange–you know—the t-shirt he wore under a vest exposing his huge biceps—and–isn’t that a hairpiece he’s been wearing the last few years? I seem to recall his hair was at one time noticeably thinning—–also——–Creflo Dollar’s mansion is unreal–it’s so sad that the overwhelming majority of televangelists are thieves.Do a Google search–the televangelists all live very well–that includes even the “respectable” ones like Billy Graham.Just last year Billy’s son Franklin was shamed into giving up half his annual income when it was published that he was pulling in a little over a million a year. Doubt it? Just Google it and you’ll see.
    Eddie–you’ve got a phone call–It’s Ted Haggard.And, also,Paul Crouch sr. wants you to call him ASAP.

  3. johnitta says:

    I bet all the other mega church “pastors” are praying to God that none of this comes back to them. I’m sure they have a lot to hide.

    How can you be a pastor and use church donations to live in a mansion, wear expensive clothes and drive expensive cars when there are poor people struggling??? Aren’t pastors supposed to live modestly????

    Didn’t the bible say (paraphrasing) it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven?

    The word of the bible can be twisted to justify any kind of debauchery. And Eddie did just that. For that matter, so are all the other pastors living large.

    It’s sad how blind their flock are.
    I don’t feel sorry for them because this stuff is right in their face and they excuse it. smh

  4. Tamia says:

    Forget stranglehold, the church has a lot of poor & middle class black people in a vice grip. I luvs the lawd, God knows I do, but I’ll kill ‘im dea–wait, wrong monologue. Let it suffice to say that in some ways, the church and its teachings do the black community more harm than good.

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