Posts Tagged ‘bitches’

Kneel before my fabulousness, swine!

Kneel before my fabulousness, swine!

Ask any single educated black woman who wants to be unsingle, and there’s a 50% chance (unscientific) she will say the following:

“Men are intimidated by me.”

She could be five foot even or six foot twelve, 90 pounds or three hundred, but chances are good you’ll hear some variation of this trend as reason why guys are

1. Not hollering at her

2. Not staying in a relationship with her.

This gets particularly touchy as you go up the professional and educational ladder. I’d venture by the time you hit 120k/yr. or a JD, the number in my first claim goes from 50% to say, 85%. Hate to bust your bubble, ladies, we’re not intimidated by about 90% of you.

Halle Berry, Oscar winning actress, millionaire, consistently voted one of the world’s mot beautiful people; maybe a little intimidated at stepping to you.

Beyonce, million selling artist, workaholic, wife of millionaire former crack dealer who stabbed a man in a nightclub; perhaps we feel like we should get our weight up before taking a run at wresting you away from the jiggaman.

Average looking late 20’s to early 30’s mid career professional with a Master’s degree from a top ten school; enh, not so much.

See, here’s the thing. Men are typically attracted to beauty, will pursue positivity, and will keep a partner. It’s really that simple. Next time you’re in a social setting, take a look around. You’ll see all the guys checking out the hottest women at the place. But you won’t necessarily see these women have the most conversations. You’ll see the women who are laughing, smiling, and flirting doing that. And the women who are holding hands with their Sig O? They’re usually the ones that have held their dudes down.

So maybe your ravishing beauty is what’s keeping guys away. You’re so good looking that men just feel you’re out of their league. You must be able to do so much better than them, so why bother even trying? Wrong. After a couple of Hennessy and Cokes, most guys don’t have a single inhibition at macking to the best looking girl in the world. When I was sixteen, I went hard at Idalis in LA. Sober. And this was back when she was hot. Like on MTV err’ day lookin’ right hot.

Ey guhl! What yo name iuh?

"Ey guhl! What yo' name iuh?"

And I was getting ready to be a junior in high school. I didn’t have a drivers’ license for fuck’s sake. But I wasn’t intimidated in the least. Because she was really friendly and sweet. This might have also been because I was somewhat non-threatening being all underage and shit, but at the end of the day, how people react to you is in direct proportion to how you make them feel. When you make them feel good about you and themselves, they will respond positively to you.

You see, the reason people don’t respond positively to you isn’t because they’re intimidated by you. It’s because your bearing, your disposition, or your conversation doesn’t make us feel good. Simple as that. Now, I know you want to believe that it’s your job that has us shook. Or your impressive array of degrees. but these don’t really turn off most dudes. What does turn us off is when you use these admirable achievements to puff yourself up or to try to raise yourself above others because of them. No one likes feeling that someone else is looking down on them. This is especially true when it comes to education and career. People are invested in these aspects of their life, both timewise and emotionally. If you spend 50 hours a week at your job and at least four years at a particular school, you’re not really going to take kindly to someone putting themselves on a pedestal because the school they went to or the company they work for is arguably superior to yours. So if you think your problem is that you intimidate men, it’s probably not. It’s that you don’t make men feel good. Some tips:

1. Check the mirror: Ask yourself seriously whether or not you make others feel good? Do you give off a positive vibe? Are you supportive of people? If not, well, hey, you get back what you put out.

2. Pride goeth before the fall: Yes, you should be proud of your accomplishments. They’re great. But no one needs endless repetition of how great you are because you do xxxx or went to xxxx. You don’t need to constantly prove that you’re worthy because of these things and when you do, you come off as an insecure douchebag. They’re not the bellweather of who you are. That Stanford degree won’t cook a steak or suck a good dick or give a fine backrub after a tough day.

3. Drive slow, homey: I have a friend who’s finishing up a residency at Harvard Medical. She calls her school the H-bomb because when a lot of guys hear that, they immediately think their resume isn’t up to snuff. I feel bad for her on one hand, but she also does a great job of not making it the focus of who she is. And as such, she’s able to de-escalate a lot of these potential issues because she doesn’t overplay the Harvard hand and she doesn’t lord it over anybody. If anything, she often makes fun of the arrogance of a lot of Harvard people. If she can be chill about her accomplishments, you with the Bachelor’s from the mid-pack state school? You really need to cool the fuck out.

4. Take the armor off: Look, it’s a cold world out there. Everyone knows it. You face rejection and unkindness every day. That’s no excuse to be a twat. Too many people (men and women) try to use very superficial things to give themselves self-confidence and make them feel better about their lives. Phrases like “I’m always in VIP,” “Oh, I don’t wait in lines to get in the club,” “Isn’t that last year’s model?” etc, are just some examples of douchey things people say to try to elevate their status and give themselves a level of protection against being thought of as less. Please quit.

5. Get off the entitlement train: Because you went to x, you deserve x. Because you work at x, you deserve x. Becuse you wear x, you deserve x. Enh. I said it before, I’ll say it again: Part of the problem is that people think you get what they deserve. You don’t. You get what you work, hustle, cheat, steal, and strong-arm for, and then you still usually have to rely on some luck to get it done. So yes, you’re good looking, went to a great school, and have a great job. That does not make you princess of the world, so expecting everyone to wait hand and foot on you because of your looks or pedigree isn’t going to get you a lot but looks of disgust from most people. Especially when you run into someone whose track record is tighter than yours (you will). Humility is really attractive.

Caveat: Most of this advice actually applies to both sexes. That means it’s unisex. Like cKOne or something. Y’all remember cKOne? That was the hot shit in like ’93

Not douchey!

Not douchey!

Jee, she seems like shed be nice to talk to

Jee, she seems like she'd be nice to talk to

Damn you David Bowie!

Damn you David Bowie!