Posts Tagged ‘black bougie dating’

Tai-Tai

Tai-Tai

Boy, do I have one for you.

So I got a facebook update that one of the homegirls from college was featured on Essence.com in an article entitled “Why am I single.” While one, I always like to see the homies shine, I also thought it was a really well thought out conversation about some of the roadblocks that happen to very successful, ambitious black women, both those of their own making, and those out of their control. Read:

Reprinted from Essence Magazine

Tai Beauchamp has it all: looks, class and success. There’s just one thing missing. After a fast-tracked career as a top beauty editor and now working in philanthropy, she’s ready for love. The 31-year-old fashionista stepped outside of her comfort zone and gave dating on reality TV a try with the new show, “Holidate,” premiering on SoapNet July 29. The Spelman grad opens up with ESSENCE.com on the question she hears too often: “Why are you single?”‘

I’ve watched “Flavor of Love” and my first thought was there was no way I was going on TV to look for a man. Then I thought some more and figured it could be fun to do and worth a shot at meeting someone. I’m very private about my dating life, so dating in front of millions of strangers is a huge step.

I’m an example of a lot of my friends who are successful, attractive, spiritual but don’t have partners.

People ask me a lot why am I single. I even had a guy ask me that trying to get my number and that is not a pick up line. My uncle says, “Tai, you’re 31, when are you settling down?” And I respond I want it to be right, and I’m just now at a point where I am truly ready for it.

Sometimes as women we box ourselves in and aren’t open to new experiences, so we get the same results. I am an open person but I had never been on a blind date before this show. Now I tell people I’m open to meeting someone and feel free to pass along great guys.

This show also forced me to be present in the moment. As women of color especially we are taught to work so hard to get that corner office, which we do, sacrificing our relationships, friendships and other things we love. I take care of my grandmother and I have a busy lifestyle, like many women who are and don’t take time for ourselves. But being on a date, you have to be in the moment. The underlying message I learned is the power of now.

The other big lesson was the guy you think you want to be with may not come as you expect. We cheat ourselves when we aren’t open to the possibilities of him not being 6’6″. We have to be slightly open and put ourselves out there. You have to be open to packages. Whether its height, age or race, we have to be open. I’m 6’0″ and have dated a guy 5’6″. We stand to gain so much and lose less than we think.

I have a lot of friends who are married, yet all of my entrepreneurial friends are more likely to be single. When you are focused on business, it’s very difficult to put the same focus on your love life. I hope more women realize investing time in your love life is investing in you.

Yes, I’m single, but I could have easily been a married woman already. I was engaged to a wonderful guy who I am still friends with. Part of the reason I didn’t go through with it was I was young and not the person I am now. Life experiences shaped me to be who I am now and who I want to be for my partner. I tell younger friends who are around 25 to chill out and take their time. Enjoy learning things to bring to a relationship. I did that and now I will be the best wife and mother and I’m confident my guy is out there ready for me.

Catch Tai dating on “Holidate,” Wednesday, July 29, 10 P.M ET.

Let me preface the discussion by saying this: Tai is fly as a bald eagle with a jetpack. In Business Class on the Space Shuttle. I actually sort of had maybe a teeny like little crush on her in college, but that’s not neccesarily germane to this story. I think one of the really good points she brought up was:

1. The Tension on succeeding in Career vs. Relationships Tai’s resume puts most of ours to shame. And to build up that kind of expertise and success takes a lot of time and energy, which as anyone who’s ever worked a 70 hour week knows, usurps a lot of potential dating, meeting people, and social interacting time. It’s just what it is. I honestly do think this is even more difficult to navigate for women, because as men, we do most of the approaching. So if we know we only have a couple hours out of the week to socialize and meet people, we’re likely to cut straight to the chase and go about the busines of meeting women on the rare opportunities we have to go out. As a woman, you’re kind of at the mercy of whether men are approaching you in that limited time. It’s also a lot easier for us because when women hear the term CEO associated with our name, it’s an automatic bonus point. With women, I don’t think it’s that cut and dried. I know I go on and on about how men aren’t really intimidated by women, but I do that partly to bust y’all’s balls. I’m aware of the shades of gray and understand that especially for a man that’s either not a CEO or not a CEO yet, the automatic assumption may be that “she’s out of my league.” Especially if you’re in the same industry. So when she says that “making an investment in your relationships is making an investment in yourself,” I think that’s a valuable piece of advice.

2. Painting yourself in a corner I remember a friend of mine once asked me if I dug girls with natural hair. I told her yes. I was surprised that her reaction was almost shock. She seemed genuinely surprised. While I know people who will only date girls with that silky Yaki or who will eschew any woman with a perm, I think one of the great things about black beauty is that comes in so many varieties. I’ve dated girls from 4’11” to girls a couple hairs taller than me, from “could pass for Italian” to undeniably West African, and literally bald to hair cascading down their back. I think all of them are  gorgeous. But a lot of people don’t think that way. We create this set of attributes that we describe as our type, and if someone doesn’t meet that, well, throw em back in the river. Women are particularly guilty of “living by the list.” Get mad if you like, but you know it’s true. We had a good convo on Belle’s blog a couple months back about a girl who had all these rules for meeting men. Wouldn’t date one she met one in a nightclub, wouldn’t date someone who didn’t know someone she knew, wouldn’t yada yada yada. She was like a modern Republican: the Party of No. (She’s since changed her tune) So I think it’s a good piece of advice, especially coming from someone who doesn’t neccesarily have to (read is really good looking), to broaden your horizons.

Check the show out, and support the homey.


Baby, you marry me, and I could be the chair of the African American Studies Program!

Baby, you marry me, and I could be the chair of the African American Studies Program

Awesomeness courtesy of Fuhbuhduh. The names have been changes to protect the innocent.

T-bubbles has noticed many black women zealously supporting Gates and
finds it dreadfully painful that this man, this scholar of all things
African American, could not manage to find love with a black woman.
Although I will continue to defend the black man’s freedoms because my
love for the black man is as natural as breathing, I can’t help but
wonder…who will come to the aid of the black woman?

Yesterday at 7:41pm · Comment · LikeUnlike
You, (AG) and 2 others like this.
(AG) and 2 others like this.

(AG)
I wish I could like this multiple times, or possibly even love it. May
this serve as a powerful message to all of the lost HLS black men who
shall remain nameless.
Yesterday at 7:44pm

(B-Eazy)
Thanks! Will let you all know when I’m found. Can’t speak for the rest
of the lost HLS black men. You can name us. I don’t hide. But rest
assured. My mother is a black woman. My grandmother is a black woman.
My daughters, will be black women (even if mixed). Who will come to
their aid? The same lost black men you demean today. who will come to
your… Read More daughters aid? To your aid? This lost black man
will. Because I am proud to be black, and I will always fight
tirelessly against racism and division. I thank you, (T-Bubbles), for your
support of Professor Gates despite his choice of spouse.
Yesterday at 8:10pm

(J-Beezy)
Can’t help who you love. Works out that way whether the consequences
are good, bad, or benign.
Yesterday at 8:32pm

(T-dub)
the devil
Yesterday at 8:43pm

(Richy Rich)
What B-Eazy said
Yesterday at 8:44pm

(B-Eazy)
Unreal. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think certain people thought
the injustice here was who he happened to fall in love with, rather
than the fact that this man was profiled, harassed, and humiliated in
his own house because he was black. That is what happened here. That
is the injustice. White wife, black wife, asian wife, hispanic wife,
save it for another day. Is it really less of an outrage
because his wife isn’t black? Professor Gates is an accomplished black
man who was subjected to horrible, racist treatment by the cops who
have sworn to protect him as a citizen of cambridge. I would plead
with the educated to focus on the true issue here. Direct this hatred
and disgust toward the treatment of this black man, not his personal
life choices.
Yesterday at 9:28pm

(Chuck)
It’s just kind of odd though, to be presented as such an accomplished
man, in a field that he studies and loves, but is not reflected in his
personal life.
Yesterday at 9:31pm

(T-Bubbles)
B-Eazy, I feel neither hatred nor disgust towards black men. I love
you guys and I feel the full weight of the injustice that was done by
the Cambridge police. But at the same time, some days it is painful to
be a black woman and to feel like we’re nobody’s treasure, nobody’s
dream. My comments come from a place of pain and not anger.
Yesterday at 9:37pm

(AG)
I, Chuck, do find that particularly odd. However, I, like (T-Bubbles),
also support Dr. Gates in his mission to protest against unwarranted
arrests regardless of his choice of spouse.

Furthermore, I wouldn’t expect anything else from the black men of HLS
but a statement similar to that put forth by Mr. Eazy and
co-signed by Mr. Richy Rich My daughters and I would
perish waiting for a so-called “educated” black man to “come to our
aid” in any capacity. Clearly you are very proud to be a black man
which, I suppose, is why you have opted to date a woman who is not a
reflection of yourself. Actions speak louder than words. While you
proclaim that you are proud and that you would come to the aid of a
black woman, isn’t it odd that, although many of us walk the campus of
HLS, beautiful and educated in all our glory, you found none of us
suitable as a partner with whom you could share your heart, your mind,
your body, your soul. Amazing.
Yesterday at 9:38pm

(AG)
J-Beezy– you make a good point when you say that you can not help who you
love. I agree entirely, but, as the saying goes- “Just because I love
you- and you love me- that doesn’t mean we’re meant to be.” I believe
that, when it comes to finding a life partner, too much emphasis is
placed on “love.” The most successful relationships are based on a …
combination of love and practical decision-making. The
preservation of one’s culture and the strenghtening of one’s racial
and ethnic community is a factor that I, for one, think is worth
considering when selecting a spouse.
Yesterday at 9:40pm

(B-Eazy)
I truly do hope that you, Miss (AG), find not only the black man you
seek, but find someone who matches the hatred you have in your heart.
Date a woman who is not a reflection of myself? I guess I could not
date someone like you. I personally pride myself in not being a
racist, not being a bigot, and not being militant. White or black, I’m
not down… Read More with that. Tell me, since you are so willing to
attack me and those like me, are you actually trying to date me? Marry
me? If not, then what gives you the right to attack me? Share my
heart, body, mind, and soul? With a bigot?

T-Bubbles, I feel you. And I appreciate and with all my heart I am sorry
for your pain and will pray for your healing and for the man that will
come and sweep you off your feet and treat you like you should be
treated. Some of you question my commitment to the advancement of my
race, go ahead. Whether you like it or not, I stand on your side. You
can spit in my face, but I will reach out my hand to help in a minute.
Yesterday at 9:48pm

(B-Eazy)
I do not pretend to know what its like to be a black woman today. That
is why I would love to sit down with you T-bubbles and have a respectful,
reasonable conversation so that we may learn from each other. That in
my daily life I may have a greater understanding of where you are
coming from and how I can help, despite apparently being a man who has
shamed his people.

However, others must understand that hate gets you nowhere, regardless
the color of your skin. I choose not to think that one, two, ten, or
100 blacks can speak for the entire race. However, I will not stand
for wrong despite nasty comments. Wrong is wrong. God made us all in
his image. Man created “race”. We are all beautiful. Every last one of
us. Some people should do good to remember that.

But as for you T-Bubbles, thank you for your clarification, and I see
what you mean now and I look forward to talking with you whenever
you’d like. We are both god’s children, we are both proud,
accomplished african-americans. I choose
Yesterday at 9:53pm

(B-Eazy)
To believe we all have more in common than not, and our destinies too
intertwined to pick at each other. Best, B-Eazy
Yesterday at 9:54pm

(AG)
First, I am not a racist or a bigot, and I have absolutely no hatred
in my heart. There is no room for hatred in my heart, as it is
overflowing with disappointment. I responded to your comment, which
was clearly directed at my statement that men such as yourself are
lost. Clearly you are angry at me for pointing out something of which
you should have already been aware. Furthermore, I am not
trying to date you, marry you- but even if I was, any attempt to do so
would have been futile, as you have clearly indicated your preference,
as evidenced by your facebook picture. How sweet.

I am a strong, educated, FEARLESS black woman the likes of which, I am
sure, makes men such as yourself cringe. Don’t label me a racist
because my opinion is controversial. I have every right to express
myself and, as a woman seeking love and respect from a group of men
who she was raised to love and honor but who, apparently, are
incapable of reciprocating those sentiments, I have every right to be
angry.
Yesterday at 10:01pm

(Chuck)
I think we got off course – the point is the man in charge of African
American Studies department is a fake.
Yesterday at 10:01pm

(B-Eazy)
Clearly indicated my preference by putting a picture up of my
girlfriend and myself? Do you ever find it hard not to choke on your
bullshit? Me not being interested in people like you has nothing to do
with the outside. It’s about the inside.

You make me cringe? Ms. AG, you can’t even make me blink. I do not
know why I waste my time even responding to your slander. I’m a
strong, educated FEARLESS black man, the likes of which you were
apparently raised to love. If you must blame someone, blame my STRONG,
EDUCATED, FEARLESS BLACK MOTHER who raised me to love, period and seek
to do the greatest possible good, regardless who I end up with.

I’m labeling you a racist because you are spewing racist crap
everywhere. You do have every right to express yourself. But I have
every right to defend MYSELF, and call you on it…. Read More

And apparently, you are labeling every single black man out there as
incapable of loving you because you are black? COME ON. Be angry. See
where it gets you.
Yesterday at 10:07pm

(AG)
Mr. Chuck clearly Mr. Eazy had something on his mind that has
been bothering him for quite sometime. Rather than handling the
situation like a man by sitting down and having a discussion with me,
he chose to remove me from his facebook friend list (yes. he did), and
hash out our differences via a mutual friend’s facebook status. I’m
just glad T-Bubbles could provide a forum for him to express himself.
Hopefully he feels better now.
Yesterday at 10:07pm

(AG)
Mr.Eazy, I have no doubt that you and I will find ourselves at
the same ultimate destination- in the loving arms of a caucasian
spouse. I enjoyed our discussion. Good night.
Yesterday at 10:09pm

(B-Eazy)
“I wish I could like this multiple times, or possibly even love it.
May this serve as a powerful message to all of the lost HLS black men
who shall remain nameless.”-AG.

First comment in response to T-Bubbles’s post. It’s not me that has had
anything bothering me. Not me that needed a forum. It was you. Not me
that first called anyone out. That was you.

Be a man and sit down? You are out of your mind. What, you want to get
coffee in a few weeks with me? That’s what you wanna do? Don’t worry,
I’ll get it black. … Read More

De-friend you? Why the hell am I gonna be fbook friends with someone
who hates what I do with my life? My bad if i got sick of your racist
statuses.

There’s no hashing out these differences. I just hope every non-black
person you actually are friends with sees the stuff you are spewing
here tonight. And I hope you don’t plan on keeping those friends much
longer.
Yesterday at 10:12pm

(AG)
First, I have no friends- only acquaintances sir. Second, anyone who
is so closed-minded and afraid to hear a somewhat controversial
opinion and who has not learned through personal interaction that I am
absolutely, positively NOT a racist can cease to be friends with me if
they so choose. Quite frankly- I don’t need ’em.

You are lost, and it’s so sad. But you are who you are. And who you
are is somebody I do not wish to know.
Yesterday at 10:18pm

(B-Eazy)
Get over yourself. I know my life is ending tonight that Ms. A “I
have no friends-only acquaintances” G does not wish to know me. I
appreciate your pity, and wish I could reciprocate. All I can do from
my pit of despair however, is laugh at the ridiculousness. Happy
hating, ms. G.
Yesterday at 10:20pm

(AG)
Thank you- not only for wishing me well, but for showing that, when
all else fails, you result to labeling what you are too simple to
understand as “ridiculous.” Mr. Yale. Mr. Harvard Law. Pay close
attention America- this is the educated black man.

Good night. Again.
Yesterday at 10:24pm

(B-Eazy)
You know me, simple country boy with no education and no sense. Can’t
even put sentences together.

Do pay close attention, America. I guarantee you are all paying such
close attention to the thoughts of Ms. (AG) on facebook.

You demean what you claim to love, the “educated black man”. You have
a really funny way of showing it.

Goodnight!
Yesterday at 10:27pm

(Bobby Knuckles)
wow, just seeing all of this. what a monumental waste of time.
B-Eazy, remember what jay-z said about arguing with fools? don’t
waste anymore time on this, my man.
Yesterday at 10:40pm

(Chuck)
This kind of hit the fan, I feel like Gates isn’t going to be the only
drama up at Harvard this year!
Yesterday at 10:41pm

(AG)
Mr. Knuckles- do you remember what whoever raised you said about minding
your business and not judging people, especially those who you do not
know?

My man.
Yesterday at 10:49pm

(Bobby Knuckles)
you can call me bobby, and i was raised by wolves. i’ll give you the
cold honest truth here: you haven’t found love with a black man, not
because there’s a mass conspiracy orchestrated by the christina
aguileras of the world, but because you’re appearing to be a miserable
person and bitter as shit. try a little introspection before you point
all these fingers.
Yesterday at 11:01pm

(AG)
See, Bobby, IF you knew me (hint hint), you would know that all this
“bitter and miserable as shit”-ness that I exhibit is the RESULT OF,
rather than the cause of, how I and many other similarly situated
black women have been treated by black men.

Now, as I did Mr. Eazy, I will wish you a good night.
Yesterday at 11:08pm

(J-Beezy)
(AG), on your comments about love not being enough to sustain a
relationship with a life partner, you have the research on your side,
according to something interesting I read from Reuters the other day:
http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSSP483675. “In love?
It’s not enough to keep a marriage, study finds”
11 hours ago

(B-Eazy)
This link says nothing about race. Love may not be enough, but neither
is race. I agree with Ms. AG that love may not always be enough.
But I disagree with any implication that race is.
12 minutes ago

(J-Beezy)
I didn’t imply that race was enough. Or at least, I didn’t mean to
imply that. Wasn’t my intention. I only intended to respond to
AG‘s comment to me: “I believe that, when it comes to finding a
life partner, too much emphasis is placed on ‘love.'” I happened to
read that article the other day, and I thought it was relevant to the
point she was making. I brought it up because, as
something of a romantic, I would’ve been more inclined to debate the
point about whether love is enough (and argued in favor of love often
being enough) if I had not recently read about that study. That’s the
only reason I posted it. I thought it fit into this conversation’s
subplot about what makes a good relationship, but I wasn’t suggesting
that I was gung-ho behind any of the factors mentioned in the study as
the key to successful relationships. Merely agreeing with AG that
it seems love is not always enough to make a relationship last. I
think that means I agree with you on that point too, B-EAzy.
6 minutes ago

B-Eazy
Ok, thanks for the clarification, J-Beezy. I do think that the article is
compelling and what we see in the movies and hear in the radio makes
us believe something that unfortunately probably isn’t true. In the
context of the previous conversation, I thought you meant to imply
other things. Thanks for the follow up. Good post. Solid article.

So…. Good and heated, just the way I like my interracial dating convos. What do y’all think? Is B-Eazy a self-hating sellout? And by that justification is Skip Gates too? Are these guys the reason the educated AG’s of the world can’t find love? Or is AG’s chip on her shoulder her own worst enemy? (From my perspective, I do think the “I have no friends, only acquaintances” comment speaks volumes about an inability to form close relationships) Does IR dating really get people that upset? Why? And what about the double standard when black women date white guys? I mean half the time I post anything about relationship difficulties, at least a couple black women make it known that they have options outside the race. And everyone seems cool with that. Discuss

But would we get anywhere near as upset about this?

But would we get anywhere near as upset about this?

So in the this episode of Romance and Finance, we’re going to focus on the neverending obsession we have with golddiggers. As much as we may say we hate them, let’s face it, we love talking about them. Without gold diggers, where would our economy be? What incentive would there be for men to work? To innovate? To buy Ferrarris? To sack Egypt? None. Before I begin today’s extrapolation, I want to share with you a little post from our friends at Dating a Banker Anonymous:

Dear Daba Girls,

I am a potential FBF (Finance Boyfriend), I am in my mid/late-twenties working as a trader for a bank in Zurich, which is certainly not as big or as happening as New York however, having lived in a big city, I like it here. The ski slopes are only an hour away during winter and in the summer, weekend trips around Europe are all too easy to organize. Bearing all of this in mind; there is still one aspect of my life which is incomplete and that is: I am still a “potential FBF”. I am having trouble finding a decent DABA girl to share it all with. I lie awake at night dreaming of being mentioned (anonymously, and although this may defeat the object of the whole exercise in the first place, she would of course tell me all about it afterwards and we would both laugh about it…) on your website by a young lady who desperately needs help trying to figure out new and exciting ways of spending my money and of prying me away from the office.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I lack attention from the fairer of the species, it just so happens that I am unable to tell the difference between those that are truly worth it (DABA Girls) and those that aren’t (Bottle-popping girls).  So for the sake of “potential FBFs” (can you think of a better term for that one?) around the world could you please give me some pointers as to how to tell the difference between the two?  How do I know that the girl I may be chatting to at the bar is actually a complete sleaze who is just in it short-term for the cash?  And more importantly, how do I send out the right signals to the girls that are actually worth it?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Yours truly,

Timo

Ah, finally we get some love from Switzerland, where the locals love cheese with holes, classic timepieces, and chocolate as much as we do. Not to mention the huge vaults filled to the brim with gold.  Don’t despair Timo. We can help.

Spotting a true DABA Girl is as easy as ABC (I’m watching the Michael Jackson tribute so just go with it). Take a cue from MJ and be on the look out for:

A: Authenticity. A true DABA Girl is authentic in all that she does. Her boobs, laugh, and intentions are real. Her intentions with you, or any guy, may include a little somethin’ somethin’ about a man that can ‘provide a certain lifestyle’ but she will be honest and upfront about it. On the other hand, if she tells you she is just looking for a soul mate and then claims to love action movies, you have encoutnered a bottle poppin’ girl charading as DABA Girl and your B.S. meter should go off.

B: Boyish charm. I’m talking about her alpha personality. A DABA Girl doesn’t need you to order for her (but you should), she’s self sufficient, opinionated, and confident. Beware, she’s not going to let you get away with much. Make sure that your information on the late Mr. McNamara’s career is factual (she’ll know if you’re just regurgitating yesterday’s article from the Times).

C: Coolness. A DABA girl isn’t desperate. She doesn’t care if she meets you or not. Most likely she’s dating three other guys already. You’re going to have to approach her.

Which brings me to these easy steps:

1: You’re zeroed in on your girl. Whether you’re at a bar and she’s laughing away with her friends or sitting at a cafe reading Isadore Sharp’s Four Seasons send over a drink or stop and say hi. Simple as that. Warning: DABA Girls are not girl haters and therefore do travel in packs.  To get to her you may have to approach a group of 4+ women. If this intimidates you, you are not FBF material, and you should stick to bottle poppin girls who generally travel in two’s to avoid competition.

2: Be calm and confident. A DABA Girl wants to meet a guy who is uber confident and won’t be intimidated by her. Don’t be a jerk, but a sprinkling of cockiness never hurt.

3: If you click, ask her if she would like to get together some time. Call the next day (note: I said call, don’t text or email). Take her on a date that you would like to go on. Don’t take her to Benihanas because you want to make sure she’s not into you just for your money. Don’t take her to a five star restaurant, you’ll look like you’re trying too hard. Take her to a restaurant that you’ve been dying to try or one that you love.

If you are indeed the potential FBF you claim to be, we assume you can take it from here.

See, I wanted to start this out on a nice, conciliatory note. A nice man with some money wants to find him a nice girl who will appreciate his money. Everyone wins. Hooray! Of course, that’s not how it seems to go down in my little world. For the most part, whenever the topic comes up during dinner, it quickly devolves into men describing every woman who wants more than a two-piece from Popeye’s as a gold digger and the women accusing the men of being cheap bastards who are too poor by several hundreds of thousands of dollars to even show up on any self-respecting gold digger’s radar. Which begs the question: What is a gold-digger? I mean I always thought it was fairly self-evident but apparently I’m wrong. Is Kelis a gold-digger? Or just a woman scorned who deserves a decent severance package after what her husband put her through? What about Heather Mills? Is it her fault she got married in a 50/50 jusrisdiction? More to the point, what about less celebrated, everyday women who have differing opinions on their financial responsibility within a relationship? Or who have an income standard for the men they date? Are they filthy gold digging whores? Or just women with standards? With that in mind, I’ll give you my take on the varying levels of diggery

Need I even add a caption?

Need I even add a caption?

1. Professional Gold Digger The Bad News: This is the type of woman who has the skills, mentality, and charm to rape your pockets. We’re talking ad infinetum legally enforced payments here. The Good News: She could care less about your broke ass. Unless you’re a banker, ballplayer, or some other level of highly compensated dude, she’s not interested. Your splurges are her everyday trick-off money. She’s been in a helicopter before, likely had sex in one. She not only has been in a Ferrari before, she knows how to work the paddle-shift and can parallel park three models perfectly (She has trouble with the Enzo because of the rear visibility). She doesn’t need a job. Why would she waste her time working some 9-5 slaveship when she could be shopping, starting an ill-conceived clothing line or running her man’s fraudulent tax shelter nonprofit foundation. When women berate men for worrying about gold-diggers because their incomes don’t qualify, this is the woman they’re talking about. When she’s with you, she’ll spend your cheese. When she’s not with you anymore, she’ll STILL be spending your cheese. For all intents and purposes, this chick really isn’t in the conversation because she really is out of your league.

You aint quite in the majors yet, baby

You ain't quite in the majors yet, baby

2. Amateur Gold Digger This is where we start getting into the danger zone. Unlike the professional gold-digger, the amateur doesn’t do this full-time. She keeps a job or income stream going because she recognizes the cyclical nature of gold diggery. Often one of these jobs or hobbies will include either a position which keeps her in close contact with rich men or some sort of modeling/stripping gig to keep her attractiveness front and center for those that would trick.

See me, rich man, see me!

See me, rich man, see me!

As such, her standards are lower. While she may be date the same dudes as the professional GD, she’s missing either the looks, skill, or mentality to convert this into a full time occupation. She may even be conflicted about being a gold digger and secretly want to be an independent woman. She never pays for dates, but will happily accept drinks from men she is completely uninterested in at the nightclub/lounge. She knows all the promoters and never waits in line.Occasionally, these women will go through  period of time of rejecting their diggerness, choosing to grow their hair natural, compose poetry, and smoke weed after being emotionally hurt by a rich man. This phase will lapse quickly as she realizes them chewstick/backpack dudes are every bit as shady, but all she gets out of them is a vegetarian meal at some organic restaurant and some brick-pack Georgia dirt weed. Weave and Louis Bag status will return quickly. This woman often equates her worth as a person with what she can get out of men and is prone to extreme moodiness and periods of depression when the money isn’t flowing at her and euphoria and happiness when she is receiving a lot of attention.

If I show him Im still flexible, hell buy me a drink

If I show him I'm still flexible, he'll buy me a drink

3.LeechProbably the most prevalent of the gold-digging species, this bitch is just cheap. She has a job but likely spends a good deal of her discretionary income on frivolous things. She despises being called a gold digger and will be the most vocal opponent of the use of the term in describing women. She justifies her bent by using cliches like “I’m spoiled” and “I like the finer things in life.” She enjoys the attention of men, and often engages in diggerish pursuit more for the sport of it than for any legitimate financial gain. While she talks a good game about getting money from men, she usually lacks the discipline to move up to professional status. Often, this is a phase enjoyed by women in their early 20’s.  She is usually getting boned by a broke ass dude on the side who’s either working on a record deal or doing some other economically irrelevant shit. This means that she can string men along for free dinners and gifts for quite some time without giving up any ass as she has a consistent dick supply. As a pragmatist, she recognizes that she needs to keep her shit somewhat together and that she will likely not be able to maintain a lifestyle off of a man forever. She is quick to call a dude cheap and argue that she could pay for some shit herself, but never does. If she takes leftovers home, it’s very likely that her producer boyfriend will enjoy them on your dime. Her monetary standards are fairly low and typically consist of subsistence items like dinners, groceries, and occasionally a nice gift. As such, these women are extremely dangerous to men making below six figures as they can quickly drain away income that could be invested. These are the kind of broads whose bladders be acting up right at the exact moment the bill’s about to arrive at a group dinner.

Now on to the second point: Why do men have such a harsh reaction to gold diggers? Two reasons. The first is that men ARE their money. That’s what we’re celebrated for, recognized for, and put on the cover of Forbes for. No one celebrates Diddy for his talent. They celebrate him because he’s paid. Gold diggers are by nature, a threat to that money, whether via a professional taking millions in the divorce and draining you monthly with alimony, or by a leech siphoning off what little entertainment cash you have. The second is that while we ARE to the public, our money, we’re still at the end of the day who we are as most importantly as people. We want people to like us for who we are, not for what we can do for them. That’s why a surprising amount of rich men end up marrying fairly plain or non-gorgeous women. It’s fine to trick off some dough to fuck a dime, but almost no one wants to wake up in the morning, look at the woman sleeping next to them, and know that if this bed in this bedroom in this four bedroom home in this gated community were in a one bedroom apartment in a sketchy neighborhood, they wouldn’t be here. That’s just not a good feeling. That’s why you so many men who have made it big also harbor a slight disgust toward the women who who approach them now. The “Back then” story is real to a lot of men, because we know at our core, we’re the same person, it’s just the circumstances have changed. So if someone wasn’t interested in you then, is it that they’re interested in you know, or interested in what you can provide. No one likes being used. I imagine it’s the same story to a lot of women who have lost a ton of weight. Now why we still act a monkey for y’all and try to impress you with our degrees and earning power given all this, I don’t know. I guess we’re conflicted too.

I be popping bottles, Ma! But dont expect me to pay for dinner. That would make you a gold digger, trying to go after the money Im trying to flaunt here. Unacceptable

I be popping bottles, Ma! But don't expect me to pay for dinner. That would make you a gold digger, trying to go after the money I'm trying to flaunt here. Unacceptable