Posts Tagged ‘Bobby Brown’

Look how happy buddy looks

So the last couple of posts have been about the kind of people to avoid. People who suck out the life and fun of dating and leave you a spent shell of your former self. More accurately, people that are that way now. But, you know, the great thing about people, like wine, is that they change with time. They mellow, they smooth out, they become more stable. They often become more full-bodied as well, but that’s a post for another time.

As we all know, our world is very small. As such, we develop a sort of familial relationship with the people in our circle, with  good deal of incest to go along with it. Keith used to date Sasha. Tara hooked up with Steve that time, Earl and Michelle had an on and off thing, etc.  These people naturally develop reputations. This can be a good thing, because it allows you to pre-qualify people.

“Oh, yeah, Brad, he’s a stand-up dude. We worked at Mckinsey together and he’s really about his business.”

“Yup. Keisha? She’s good peoples. She seems sarcastic but she’s really cool.”

Awesome, right? Weeeeelllllll, ther’s of course a flip side.

“Jamal? Seriously? That dude is lame. Have you heard him talk?”

“Look dog, I saw you over there getting Christine’s number, and yeah, she’s cute and all, but I mean, dude, she knows a lot of Que’s, if you get my drift, dog. A LOOOOT of Que’s.”

Which can also be valuable. I mean, not only do you want to pre-approve potentially good matches, you want to weed out unqualified buyers, right? The problem here comes in the fact that once you are labeled as something, that’s what the general public perceives you as. And as someone who may be considering entering into a relationship with this person, well, You have to consider your own calculus. Is it worth the risk to deal with someone who had some issues in the past? Can people really change?

“And you can try to change, but that’s just the top layer

Man, you was who you was when you got here”


Well damn, that had an air of finality about it. Well, let’s see, can people be redeemed? Rehabbed? Made shiny and new? More specifically, what about these people?

The Whore

I mean, come on, we all know folks who both ARE whores, and WERE whores, male or female. And this is a sticky one. I mean, regardless of whether or not you’ve been celibate for three years, no one wants to be the guy that turned a “ho into a housewife.” I don’t know about you, but I wake up in cold sweats every once in a while after having a nightmare in which Too Short nonchalantly walks up to me and says “You a rest haven for hoes.” And all of a sudden kittens and ponies, and the girl robot from WALL-E appear an point and laugh at me. But there’s nowhere to escape their scorn! For men, I think this is an easier obstacle to overcome than women, since we’re assumed to be entitled to a whore phase. But what say you? Would you seriously date someone who got around? Would you constantly worry that you’ll unearth new skeletons? And frankly, if everything else about this person is as it should be, and assuming they’re disease free, does it matter?

The Cheater

Could have been once, could have been a hundred times. They say once a cheater, always a cheater. But is that true? What if you’re really all that person would ever need/want? Or is that just pie in the sky bullshit as he/she makes hotel reservations under a credit card you know nothing about and an assumed name?

The Gold Digger/Groupie

Every twitter male’s worst enemy, according to them, constantly trying to trap them for their 87 Civic and get free meals at Chipotle on their dime. But what if a woman (or man)’s stint as a gold-digger was a short lived period in their twenties of just seeing how far they could stretch the boundaries. Maybe they just happened to date an athlete, for all the right reasons. What if they just enjoyed the flashing lights for a while, fucked a couple famous people, and then moved on to real life? Can you hold that against someone?

The Player

Slightly different from the whore in that this is just the person who never commits. It might be the serial monogamist or the artful dodger, but either way, this person seems to always escape the noose of LTR-dom in the nick of time. Is this something you can forgive, or is there too much risk that you’ll be the next victim dropped off at the curb like so much recycling?

The Abuser/ The Abused

And this has been in the news lately obviously since the whole Riri/CB interview circuit. I mean, can this dude change? Would you trust him to? Or is he always one meaningless provocation away from slapping the dog shit out of some woman? And what about her? Is there a stigma to her being the victim of abuse? Do you treat her differently? Protect her more? Or not get involved because you fear there may be emotional undercurrents there that you can’t deal with? What about the victims of sexual violence. I forget the statistic, but the number of women who are raped every year is staggering. If you know a woman has been through that, does it change how you look at her?

The Broke/Trifling/Shiftless

Can someone get their shit together? Well, sure we know they can. But what if someone has recently emerged from brokedom or triflingness? Is there a seasoning requirement, liek flipping a house?  What do you need to see to know they won’t backslide?

Maybe we can learn from our mistakes

So what do you do? Have you dated someone who has been reformed? Or have you rejected someone who may have been reformed because their past scared you off? Discuss.