Posts Tagged ‘dating advice’

You must choose, Neo. Ecstasy or Special K

You must choose, Neo. Ecstasy or Special K

So I wrote a tweet the other day about choice being the ultimate luxury. And I think it’s true. I would trade the freedom to take a nice afternoon nap for a lot. Granted, I may not choose to take the nap since there are other things that are pressing sometimes, but just to have the option is awesome. I got a response back that I thought was really interesting. It said, “except when you have too many choices.”

Now, me personally, I don’t believe there’s a such thing. When I’m in the mood for some mental masturbation and  get to the Porsche website and build my perfect GT3, I have many choices. I could pick Arena Red. Or Basalt Black Metallic. How about Paint to Sample, a $5,500 option? What color should I have the wheels painted? Do I want the Carbon Fiber package or the Alcantara/Leather option? Hmm. The $550 suede sun visors perhaps. See, I like choices. Choices are good. I’ll go with Carerra White, black wheels, Sport Seats and Ceramic Brakes, thanks. I know what I want. I look at the options, click the boxes that matter to me, and am flexible on those things that aren’t that important. Something to this effect (the fuck did I start with a base price of $112K and end up at $143,000? Damn suede ball-ticklers):

Come to Butthead.

Come to Butthead.

But this choice thing isn’t for everyone. To some people, there exists a world where there are too many choices. Too many options, too many unknowns. Too many opportunities to feel like you made the wrong choice. Probably why Henry Ford was so successful at selling Model T’s. “You can have any color you want. As long as it’s black.”

And to some degree, the same can be said of dating. The truth of the matter is, we may have too many choices. What’s that, you say? You just finished the 119th consecutive Essence article about the lack of marriagable black men, and then had that view confirmed by MSNBC and The Root? Pish-tosh. While I agree with my friend F-Peezy that there is certainly an imbalance in the playing field, I think it’s also a truth that any woman can find at least one man if she so chooses. Not saying it’s easy, just that it can be done.

But I can see why it’s harder to pick when there are so many freaking options. And the stakes are so high, especially as you get older. You want to pick the right person to spend what little free time you have with.

Now your Grandpappy and Nana, your ideals of black love, see they didn’t have the same options and diversions that you have. They got to date whoever lived in their little town at the time, was of age, and wasn’t of another race. That kinda narrowed the field down pretty well.  But now, you can date anybody. You can date white, black, latino, asian, an Eskimo if you can find one. And you can date anywhere. Thanks to the magic of the internet, I can date a girl I lost touch with from college in New York who just friended me on Facebook. Or the cute friend of a friend in Atlanta who thinks my twitter feed is funny. Or some random woman who just likes this blog and lives in Boston but travels a lot and finds her way down here every couple of weeks. The options are limited only by our collective ability to finance a long distance relationship and our interest in doing so.

We also have what we may think are BETTER options. Again, thanks to the glory of the internet, we’re all superstars now. Not content with who you’re dealing with now? Well, shucks, that Facebook friend of yours seems like he’s doing pretty well, what with all those pics of him in Paris and the Bahamas. And he likes kids, judging from the fact that he says he’s a mentor. He’s probably better than that boring schlep of a dude you’re dating now, right?

Fellas, your team letting you down? They can be replaced in the span of a week with newer, younger, women! Race, class, religion? Fuhgettaboutit! The lines have ceased to exist. You can have anyone, as long as they want you. And they’re easier to find now than they’ve ever been.They may be nicer than your current chick? Give head better? Got a great chick with a subpar rack? Her big titty doppelganger is out there somewhere!

So how does one settle down without feeling like they’re “settling?” Because the reality is, no matter how awesome your person is, isn’t there a better one out there? And at what point do you say, “You know what, what I have is good enough.?” Or at what point do you say, “This isn’t making me happy, I should go out and find someone new?” And how much of that choice is dependent on the depth of the options you have? The reality of the situation is that for upwardly mobile black men and good looking black women without stank attitudes, that options list is long and deep.

I wish I could f*** every girl in the world. Oh, wait, Why cant ?

I wish I could f*** every girl in the world. Oh, wait, Why can't

So how does one choose to be in a relationship with someone, taking all of these options off the table, knowing there’s so much out there? When things get rough, how do you put in the hard work necessary to keep what you have going versus just picking up another one? Maybe too much choice is a bad thing if used improperly.

Maybe lime green

Why settle for white, I'm green. Pick me!

Morning, folks. If you want to know why I’ve been so inconsistent lately, it’s because I finished up my thesis last week, and now am moving, so I’ve been flipping between Boston, DC, and NYC. Also, I’m now a Master of Science, so I’m prepared to lord my education over everyone now. I’m going to start conversations with, “Well, as a Master of Science, ….” And I’m going to add it to the back of my name on my facebook profile. “You have received a friend request from Brandon St. Randy, M.S.” I may have my degree tattooed on my back, I’m not sure yet.

Im too sexy for myself, too sexy for my self, too sexy by farrrrr...

I'm too sexy for myself, too sexy for my self, too sexy by farrrrr...

In any case, we’ve been talking about marriage for a couple weeks or so now, but I want to get back into the single life, since that’s where I assume most of my readers live. I came across an interesting article in CNN the other day titled “Is narcissism keeping you single?” by Wendy Atterbery. I think it’s particularly appropriate to our little social group. As I’ve said before a million times, black Americans are the most narcissistic, self-aggrandizing people in the known world. Humility is just not one of our character flaws. Listen to our popular music. Every song on the radio contains some reference to the artist’s tightness, bankroll, sex game, or general grandiosity. Obviously, our long history of oppression and dehumanizing has something to do with this, as well as our legacy of shame about our entrenched poverty levels, but when they free Skip Gates, I’ll let him speak on that. And this celebrity obsession with letting everyone know how sweet you are has filtered down into the world of regular people. A snippet from the article:

Apparently, they’re all just a bunch of narcissists. In an article on The Daily Beast this week, writer Hannah Seligson, explores this theory, writing: “narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture.

Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives.

Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey.”

Sound like anyone you know? Franky, I blame social media. First Black Planet, then Myspace, then Facebook, and now Twitter has effectively turned everyone  on the plane into their own little reality show. These sites are no longer just mediums to keep up with friends and share pictures, they’re online advertising for “your personal brand.” The fact that you may not be selling anything tangible is irrelevant, you’re selling a dream. You’re selling a vision of yourself as attractive, successful, witty, fly, an e-gangster, whatever. The point being, you control your message. And in doing so, this gives people the opportunity to inflate those qualities that they think other people will respond to, and hide the fact that they live with their parents, have no job prospects, have halitosis, etc. At some point, I really think people start drinking their own kool-aid and start thinking that they are who they’ve invented themselves to be. VSB did a good post the other day on How to seem more important than you really are. It was in jest, of course, but there was definitely some truth to it.

The problem is, hile kool-aid may taste sweet, it rots your teeth and isn’t very satisfying. Man can’t live off kool-aid alone. He needs meat and potatoes. The funny thing about most self-aggrandizing peope is the plethora of problems they have in relationships. A lot of this is directly related to the fact that they’ve built up an idea of themselves that doesn’t square with the facts and other people realize this at some point. It also mans that since they think they’re so tight, their expectation is that their partner is going to be just as tight as they think they are. Since the partner has probably inflated their own GPA pretty significantly, both parties end up being frustrated because they feel like they were sold a bill of goods. It’s totally not conducive to creating a realistic lasting relationship.

So allow me to take you down a notch and let me give you some advice on how to have more meaningful relationships.

Title: Socialite/ Bottle Popping girl

Twitter About me: (Some city’s)’s 2nd Most Influential Young Socialite. Fashion Head. SNOB. (Some college) graduate. Hill Staffer. And I’ve lived in Monaco, yes, Monaco. How’s your life?

M.O. These girls (and actually the above was written by a guy) are people who have chosen to inflate their GPA’s via social status, usually related to nightlife or some tertiary connection to the entertainment industry. They usually pay a lot of attention to fashion and spend most of their discretionary income on clothes that will be out of style next month and drinking, preferably bottle service so everyone can see them. They say things like “Oh, I never wait in line,” “I’m always in VIP,” and “Every time I walk in the club, they get mad.” The problem is that as they’ve chosen to spend the majority of their efforts on extremely flighty, surface-oriented pursuits, they don’t really have anything to offer but what social status they have. So they naturally attract shallow, social climbing members of the opposite sex. And then complain about it.

The Solution: most people grow out of this shit naturally. To some degree, this is just an early-mid-twenties phase, and there’s nothing you can really do with people like this until they get tired of the thrill of being accepted by peope they don’t really know, or have finally proven to themselves that they’re worthy. As Real Housewives of Atlanta has shown us, some people just never learn.

Title: Model

Twitter About Me: NY/Atlanta/ATL/London (word? You have homes in 4 cities?)The baddest chick in the modeling game. Im Puerto Rican, Italian,French, Black & Jewish! (Anything but all black). There should be 2 of me :

M.O. These are just youngish (acting. Some of these broads are in reality a little long in the totth for this bullshit) chicks and dudes who typically have pretty mundane day jobs but use their ass and tits (or abs and arms) to inflate their GPA. The problem is, they typically get a lot of attention from dudes who really just want to bone ’em, and they think this attention should equare into success in their relationships. Of course it doesn’t, because not that many quality dudes want to wife a chick who sends out 15 twitpics a day of her oiled up in a bikini pushing her ta-tas together and licking her lips.

The Solution: Simple. Quit that shit. Everyone’s vain, and it’s nice to have pictures that represent your best features, but unless you’re a percent of a percent of women, you’re not going to be a successfu model. You’ll get a spread in Straight Stuntin’ magazine and a couple calls to do the next Lil Boosie video, but that’s about it. There’s really no money to be made in this particular field. So what you’r doing is driving off quality men or women in favor of people who just want to screw you. You can’t even be mad when that’s what happens, because that’s what you’re selling

Title: Mr./Mrs. Overeducated

Twitter About me: Blank. They joined but never followed up

M.O. This person believes that because of their stellar academic achievements, they are a catch. They went to xxxxx Law school, Business School, Ph.D program, you should not only respect their mind, you should want them, need them even. And not only that, but if you do want them, you’d better have gone to an equivalent or greater school if you want to get some of their time. Problem: This is important in the professional world. Doesn’t really impact personal chemistry that much. it can be impressive when you meet someone, but after that, you’re still the same person as the guy or girl who went to University of Phoenix. Me and my peoples were at Ozio one time and there was a table of really cute chicks sitting next to us. they were all kind of chilly toward us, until the girl said very proudly that she went to Harvard Law School. My boy at the time was at Georgetown Law, and as soon as they heard that and the fact that I knew a bunch of her classmates, the whole tone of the convo changed. At this point though, we were a bit turned off, so when they wanted to exchange info, we politely declined.

The Solution: Realize that no one cares that much. You should be proud of your educational achievements. But perspective, please.

Title: Brofessional

Twitter About me: Uh, I don’t do Twitter. I’m on Linkedin, thanks

M.O. These are the people that are their business card. The homey JAJ once told me about a friend of her friends who was the world’s biggest dick. When someone introduced themselves to him, he’d respond “first name, last name, Trader, Goldman Sachs.” Another female friend of mine met a guy once who when he found out she worked at JP Morgan spent the night discussing whether she worked “in a profit center or a cost center.” isten to Tyler Durden people: You are not your job. You are not your khakis.

The Solution: Bring it down.

Title: Boss Baller

Twitter About Me: I run (insert town here). We gittin’ dis money!

M.O. Do I even really have to describe this kind of fuckery?

The grand point about a this is that if you see yourself or your friends in the above descriptions, and are having difficulties forming legitimate bonds with people, take a step back. Sometimes the things we do to prove to others that we’re worthy of heir love and affection only make us look like dickheads. It’s not the end of the world. We can all embrace a little more humility, and take more time to learn about other people and share their joys and less time telling other people how great we are. we’ll all be happier for it. With that , I’ll leave you with a cautionary video of what to not be like: an Assclown

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Here’s the link to the CNN article

Tai-Tai

Tai-Tai

Boy, do I have one for you.

So I got a facebook update that one of the homegirls from college was featured on Essence.com in an article entitled “Why am I single.” While one, I always like to see the homies shine, I also thought it was a really well thought out conversation about some of the roadblocks that happen to very successful, ambitious black women, both those of their own making, and those out of their control. Read:

Reprinted from Essence Magazine

Tai Beauchamp has it all: looks, class and success. There’s just one thing missing. After a fast-tracked career as a top beauty editor and now working in philanthropy, she’s ready for love. The 31-year-old fashionista stepped outside of her comfort zone and gave dating on reality TV a try with the new show, “Holidate,” premiering on SoapNet July 29. The Spelman grad opens up with ESSENCE.com on the question she hears too often: “Why are you single?”‘

I’ve watched “Flavor of Love” and my first thought was there was no way I was going on TV to look for a man. Then I thought some more and figured it could be fun to do and worth a shot at meeting someone. I’m very private about my dating life, so dating in front of millions of strangers is a huge step.

I’m an example of a lot of my friends who are successful, attractive, spiritual but don’t have partners.

People ask me a lot why am I single. I even had a guy ask me that trying to get my number and that is not a pick up line. My uncle says, “Tai, you’re 31, when are you settling down?” And I respond I want it to be right, and I’m just now at a point where I am truly ready for it.

Sometimes as women we box ourselves in and aren’t open to new experiences, so we get the same results. I am an open person but I had never been on a blind date before this show. Now I tell people I’m open to meeting someone and feel free to pass along great guys.

This show also forced me to be present in the moment. As women of color especially we are taught to work so hard to get that corner office, which we do, sacrificing our relationships, friendships and other things we love. I take care of my grandmother and I have a busy lifestyle, like many women who are and don’t take time for ourselves. But being on a date, you have to be in the moment. The underlying message I learned is the power of now.

The other big lesson was the guy you think you want to be with may not come as you expect. We cheat ourselves when we aren’t open to the possibilities of him not being 6’6″. We have to be slightly open and put ourselves out there. You have to be open to packages. Whether its height, age or race, we have to be open. I’m 6’0″ and have dated a guy 5’6″. We stand to gain so much and lose less than we think.

I have a lot of friends who are married, yet all of my entrepreneurial friends are more likely to be single. When you are focused on business, it’s very difficult to put the same focus on your love life. I hope more women realize investing time in your love life is investing in you.

Yes, I’m single, but I could have easily been a married woman already. I was engaged to a wonderful guy who I am still friends with. Part of the reason I didn’t go through with it was I was young and not the person I am now. Life experiences shaped me to be who I am now and who I want to be for my partner. I tell younger friends who are around 25 to chill out and take their time. Enjoy learning things to bring to a relationship. I did that and now I will be the best wife and mother and I’m confident my guy is out there ready for me.

Catch Tai dating on “Holidate,” Wednesday, July 29, 10 P.M ET.

Let me preface the discussion by saying this: Tai is fly as a bald eagle with a jetpack. In Business Class on the Space Shuttle. I actually sort of had maybe a teeny like little crush on her in college, but that’s not neccesarily germane to this story. I think one of the really good points she brought up was:

1. The Tension on succeeding in Career vs. Relationships Tai’s resume puts most of ours to shame. And to build up that kind of expertise and success takes a lot of time and energy, which as anyone who’s ever worked a 70 hour week knows, usurps a lot of potential dating, meeting people, and social interacting time. It’s just what it is. I honestly do think this is even more difficult to navigate for women, because as men, we do most of the approaching. So if we know we only have a couple hours out of the week to socialize and meet people, we’re likely to cut straight to the chase and go about the busines of meeting women on the rare opportunities we have to go out. As a woman, you’re kind of at the mercy of whether men are approaching you in that limited time. It’s also a lot easier for us because when women hear the term CEO associated with our name, it’s an automatic bonus point. With women, I don’t think it’s that cut and dried. I know I go on and on about how men aren’t really intimidated by women, but I do that partly to bust y’all’s balls. I’m aware of the shades of gray and understand that especially for a man that’s either not a CEO or not a CEO yet, the automatic assumption may be that “she’s out of my league.” Especially if you’re in the same industry. So when she says that “making an investment in your relationships is making an investment in yourself,” I think that’s a valuable piece of advice.

2. Painting yourself in a corner I remember a friend of mine once asked me if I dug girls with natural hair. I told her yes. I was surprised that her reaction was almost shock. She seemed genuinely surprised. While I know people who will only date girls with that silky Yaki or who will eschew any woman with a perm, I think one of the great things about black beauty is that comes in so many varieties. I’ve dated girls from 4’11” to girls a couple hairs taller than me, from “could pass for Italian” to undeniably West African, and literally bald to hair cascading down their back. I think all of them are  gorgeous. But a lot of people don’t think that way. We create this set of attributes that we describe as our type, and if someone doesn’t meet that, well, throw em back in the river. Women are particularly guilty of “living by the list.” Get mad if you like, but you know it’s true. We had a good convo on Belle’s blog a couple months back about a girl who had all these rules for meeting men. Wouldn’t date one she met one in a nightclub, wouldn’t date someone who didn’t know someone she knew, wouldn’t yada yada yada. She was like a modern Republican: the Party of No. (She’s since changed her tune) So I think it’s a good piece of advice, especially coming from someone who doesn’t neccesarily have to (read is really good looking), to broaden your horizons.

Check the show out, and support the homey.


Dont do it! Reconsider! Read some liter...!

"Don't do it! Reconsider! Read some liter...!"

So last week, we talked about using Indian Style dating to get out of this ircular strategy of dating the wrong people for the wrong reasons. You’ve found the one you want to be with, and by jove, man, they want to be with you too. You plan an elegant yet understated affair, whose pictures will be ruined by your tacky second cousin showing up in a pastel orange suit with a powder blue tie looking for all intents and purposes like the Syracuse Orangemen mascot or perhaps Ricard Petty’s pit crew chief.

From the 1998 Steve Harvey Collection. Ascot sold separately

From the 1998 Steve Harvey Collection. Ascot sold separately

But it was a lovely ceremony and now you’re going to live happily ever after, right? Fuck naw! Statistically at least, your marriage is likely to be a soul-crushing exercise in crippling boredom, spite, and passive-aggressive power struggles. That’s according to a couple new articles out here. Enjoy:

“I love my husband” said Shanna Woodbury of their marriage. “But I feel so overworked and underappreciated. I work full-time like my husband, but if I don’t maintain the domestic responsibilities of the house, nothing gets done. Added to that, I manage our rental properties and take care of everything for our kids, alone.”

Her husband started to echo similar frustrations.

“I’m faithful to my wife, I give her my whole paycheck but I work the late shift and my job is demanding. When I come home, I don’t need to hear her mouth — I just need to watch my favorite football game in peace.”

Shanna grows more overwhelmed, tempers flare and the two begin arguing more and listening less. Tension took over their home and their fighting began to take a toll on the rest of the family, resulting in disciplinary issues with the kids.”

Sounds like a heap of fune. Or how about this, from the Atlantic, written by a woman freshly divorced:

While a Rutgers study suggests that only 38 percent of married people in America describe themselves as happy, we stay married for many good reasons. Take, for instance, the otherwise unaffordability of homeownership.

Some of us stay married because we’re in competition with our divorcing 1960s and 1970s parents, who made such a hash of it. What looks appealing to us now, in an increasingly frenetic, digital world, is the 1950s marriage. Writes Karen Karbo, in Generation Ex, reminiscing about her mother’s evening routine of serving old-fashioneds to her dad by the pool:

At the turn of the millennium, our marriages and remarriages bear almost no resemblance to these single-paycheck, cocktail-hour unions. Once considered sexist and monotonous, these staid marriages are emblems of an easier time. What seemed too dull and constricting a mere fifteen years ago now looks luxurious, like those huge gas-guzzling cars with all that chrome and the tuck-and-roll seats.

Some of us stay married because along with fancy schools, tae kwan do lessons, and home-cooked organic food, the two-parent marriage is another impressive—and rare—attainment to bestow on our fragile, gifted children.

Some of us stay married because … what else is there? A lonely apartment and a hot plate?

That said, it’s clear that females are dissatisfied—more and more, divorce seems to be initiated by women. If marriage is the Old World and what lies beyond is the New World, it’s the apparently stable men (comfortable alone in their postfeminist den with their Cook’s Illustrated and their porn) who are Old Worlders, and the Girls’ Night Out, questionnaire-completing women who are the questing New Worlders. They most embody what Tocqueville described as America’s “restless temper,” or l’inquiétude du caractère. (Interestingly, according to EnlightenNext magazine, some northern European women are reportedly eschewing their progressive northern European male counterparts and dating Muslims, who are more like “real men.”)

To work, to parent, to housekeep, to be the ones who schedule “date night,” only to be reprimanded in the home by male kitchen bitches, and then, in the bedroom, to be ignored—it’s a bum deal. And then our women’s magazines exhort us to rekindle the romance. You rarely see men’s magazines exhorting men to rekindle the romance.

Sounds pretty shitty. The interesting stat there was that only 38% of married couples are happy. And knowing the 50% divorce, it almost makes you wonder, what are your chances here? And why are these numbers so appalling? Everyone I know wants to get married, men and women alike. they all say, they’re only going to get married once, won’t cheat on their spouse, and it will be a lovely time. But someone here is lying. And if they really wanted to get married that bad, wouldn’t they be already. I’m beginning to think that people are starting to realize that what people envision married life to be is for the most part a fantasy promoted by endless romantic comedies and trite love songs. In all truth, single life is probably much better than married life. I mean, think about it. No more threesomes with drunk college girls. You can’t buy that Porsche you wanted because you need a minivan to haul around a shitload of toys for junior. Your woman is most likely going to get fatter. And lazier in the bedroom. And stop wearing lingerie to bed and throwing that rag on your head. And then harass you about where you were last night with Darryl and them. Ladies, your man’s hair is gonna start falling out. He’s going to get a beer gut and a limpy from all that drinking and fried food he gets from poeyes since you’re too tired to cook. He’s going to trip every time some other man gives you the slightest bit of attention. But he’s not going to fuck you either, because his sex drive has gone to zero with all the stress at work and your sagging bitties.

Oooh, I hate you!

"Oooh, I hate you!"

I’m just playig devil’s advocate above, but let’s be honest, that does happen to a lot of people. So how does one keep a marriage intact, fun, and productive? I mean, I know it can be done, I’ve seen it.

1. Marry the right TYPE of person:

Why Him? Why Her? explains the hormonal forces that trigger humans to be romantically attracted to some people and not to others (a phenomenon also documented in the animal world). Fisher posits that each of us gets dosed in the womb with different levels of hormones that impel us toward one of four basic personality types:

The Explorer—the libidinous, creative adventurer who acts “on the spur of the moment.” Operative neurochemical: dopamine.

The Builder—the much calmer person who has “traditional values.” The Builder also “would rather have loyal friends than interesting friends,” enjoys routines, and places a high priority on taking care of his or her possessions. Operative neurotransmitter: serotonin.

The Director—the “analytical and logical” thinker who enjoys a good argument. The Director wants to discover all the features of his or her new camera or computer. Operative hormone: testosterone.

The Negotiator—the touchy-feely communicator who imagines “both wonderful and horrible things happening” to him- or herself. Operative hormone: estrogen, then oxytocin.

Fisher reviewed personality data from 39,913 members of Chemistry.com. Explorers made up 26 percent of the sample, Builders 28.6 percent, Directors 16.3 percent, Negotiators 29.1 percent. While Explorers tend to be attracted to Explorers, and Builders tend to be attracted to Builders, Directors are attracted to Negotiators, and vice versa.

I’m an Explorer. I need to find another Explorer. See, I’ve already knocked oy 74% of the population who won’t fit.

2. Stop letting yourself go Unless your husband’s a chubby chaser, he will be disgusted by your body if you gain 15 or more pounds. Fellas, if you never take your wife out, some young dude with a cougar complex will and trendy jeans will. Maintan yourself.

3. Marry a good looking person It’s hard enough for a couple to stay faithful just because of sheer boredom. They’re doing the same tricks over and over, and the novelty wears off. But at least if they look good, it might be still be a good trick. It’s like having an old car. that 1979 Porsche 930 may be old as shit, and not quite handle like it used to, but when you shine it up, you can still appreciate its beauty and be proud to own it. That 1984 Dodge K-car, not so much. Be prepared to pay for the Porsche.And yeah, they’re gonna be a little more high maintenance, it’s worth it.

Still fine after all these years

Still fine after all these years"You shole is ugly!"

4. A man room For man stuff. And a woman place in the house for their shit. Have your own identity and your own thing going on. Just cause you’re married doesn’t mena you cease to exist as an individual. Uness you’re both co-dependent. That’s fine then

5. Agree about sex I think people just assume that the same level of humping that occurs during the first getting to know you phase is going to last perpetually. I don’t think it does. And no one talks about it. You’ll talk about money, religion, and all the other gamebreakers, but no one has a game plan for one of the top two marriage-killers. Figure out how often you need it, how often they need it, what to do if one partner gets less attractive, or wants to get some side action, whether or not all that freaky shit y’all used to do is going to disappear once you’re legally bound, what to do if he gets ED, or if she goes through those weird hormonal thingies, etc. There should be a plan here, people. If you’ve covered #3, you’re already ahead of the curve.

6. I really don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve never been married. I’ve just recently been in a relationship over a year in duration for the first time. If you’re listening to what I’m saying, you’re stupid. Like learning to drive from an Asian person or something. What’s wrong with you? But seriously, what are your thoughts, both those who are married and those just thinking about it?