Posts Tagged ‘marriage sucks’

Ive made a terrible mistake

I've made a terrible mistake

I mean, I’m certain a lot of men are rethinking the whole proposition after the whole Nas/Kelis fiasco. Or at least using it as an excuse as to why they wouldn’t get married. Despite the fact, almost none of ya are ever even going to make $55k a month, much less have to fork over that amount. But I think where their relationship went sour speaks a lot to the reasons men may have a pretty good rationale for not getting married

1. Marriage isn’t really that fun Sure, it’s a great environment to raise kids, and may help with your promotion prospects:

Now, a new crop of studies has shown married men earn an average of 10 percent to 40 percent more than those who never have married, yet have similar education and work experience. “My husband’s income tripled after I began encouraging him to focus on his accomplishments and see that he was worth more money,” said Joanne Watson, who authored the book “How to Help Your Husband Make More Money So You Can Be a Stay-at-Home Mom.” Two main reasons are thought to drive the phenomenon, according to Hyunbae Chun and Injae Lee of the Department of Economics at New York University, who published a study called “Why Do Married Men Earn More: Productivity or Marriage Selection.” First is the “productivity hypothesis”: Having a partner to support, encourage and motivate makes the other partner more productive. Second is the “selection hypothesis”: Women tend to marry men with characteristics that make them more successful in the workplace. They avoid men who don’t. Analyzing 1999 survey data of about 2,700 men, Chun and Lee found married men earned an average of 12.4 percent more per hour than unmarried men. After adjusting for age, work, experience, education and other factors, the researchers concluded the productivity theory — having a supportive partner — is the reason behind married men’s financial success.

But is it really fun? Like fun fun? I mean, I know it should be. You ‘posed to enjoy spending time with your woman, doing things you both love, exploring the world and each other and shit. But from what I’ve seen, a lot of times, it gets old. I see guys who are married having to leave the house to have fun. They go play golf with the boys, or hit the cub, or go on sex tours of Brazil. The thrill can get lost pretty easily if you’re not careful. I mean, at th end of the day, why was Steve McNair sneaking around in an jump-off condo with a 20 year old? The thrill. And face it, how many married guys do you know that are basically dead men walking? A lot, probably. And I think that’s the number one fear: misery.

2. It’s not that good of a deal for us I mean, let’s face it: Marriage is your thing. There’s no section in Barnes & Nobles with titles like Modern Groom and Husband Quarterly. This is you all’s thing. Was anyone in GI Joe married? No. Destro had the Baroness as a jump-off/sometime girlfriend and that seemed to work great for him. But women start planning their weddings at 4 years old. And there’s a reason for that. Women want to be saved. They want the stability of marriage, the security and predictabilty of one man. Men don’t need that. And what we used to need in terms of support for our manly operations now comes from machines: Need a hot meal? Microwave. Need laundry done? Stack washer and dryer. Need sexual release? Online porn. I know, I know. What about being madly in love with someone and needing them more than life itself? Well, yeah, that’s the dream about marriage you’ve been sold by Hollywood and greasy R&B singers with wack suits.

Im looking your way, Ginuwine

I'm looking your way, Ginuwine

Most people don’t get married because they’re madly in love. They get married because it’s the right time, or they want to have children, or they’ve been with someone so long, there’s no real alternative. I mean, the concept of romantic love as a justification for marriage is all of about 70 odd years old. Before that, it was how many camels can my family get for auctioning off the daughter with the child-bearing hips. So for the woman’s security, we kind of give up a lot: Freedom, independent decision making, new pussy, the car of our choice (you know you want that bitch ass Lexus SUV that couldn’t climb a rock if your life depended on it and we want a monster truck with a foghorn).

3. The Breakups are expensive You know what Kim Kardashian got after two years with Reggie Bush? A handshake and a “best of luck in your future endeavors.” You know what Heather Mills got after two years with Paul McCartney? $49 mil. I didn’t even bring kelis into this because, hey, Nas fucked up with his choice of lawyer. Given the divorce rate stats and the general rapeage that occurs in a divorce settlement, why even go into it? If you were trying to convince a private equity company to invest money into a marriage given the stats, you’d be put out of the offices on your ass Jazzy Jeff style. As far as kids, a lot of couples and ex-couples have kids in relationships which aren’t marriages, but work well in the sense that the father’s very involved in the kid’s day to day life.And these days, it ain’t like that there’s that much shame in being an unwed mother.

4. There’s not that much joy in being man of the house anymore Back int he day, you got home from a hard day at work and there was your lovely wife waiting with a martini in one hand and a pot roast in the other. She dutifully listened to your dullard tales of office politics and how your day went. The kids had been cleaned up for supper and were happy to show you what they learned in school today.

Honey, heres your shit!

Honey, here's your shit!

But what all happened is that with women competing in the workforce, price escalation for just about everything has gone through the roof. Two-earner families outbid single earners for housing, cars, private schools, etc. So now you basically need two incomes to lead a middle class existence. Which means the role of “man of the house” is split. It’s like Kim Jong Il and Osama Bin Ladin being co-presidents of the Music Appreciation Club. You’re tired from working. Your wife’s tired from working. You’r both stressed out. The little camera in the bear caught the nanny going through your shit. Your kids are ugly and stupid and don’t particularly like you.

5. No new pussy. I think this is really the hardest one. And it’s so difficult for women to understand. Because for most women, sex with someone they know and have had sex with is much better than sex with a stranger. Their partner knows the stroke they like, how to hit the spot, they don’t have to worry about STD’s or being considered a slut, or their body image issues. For men, it’s totally opposite. New pussy is better than old pussy just because it’s new. So by getting married, we are contractually agreeing to give up one of the things that makes live worth living. Now as you get older, it becomes less important, and you learn to focus and sacrifice for someone else because they’re sacrificing something for you. Also, women get hornier as they get older, so what they lack in thrill value, perhaps they make up for in quantity. The problem is women also get significantly less attractive with age. While black women tend to o much better than other races, there can still be a significant downturn. Especially with the exercise habits and natural baby weight some women put on, they just get kinda gross.

But as much as these factors may play into a culture wide shit away from men seeking marriage, I think there’s still hope for middle class black folks especially because we want ourselves and our kids to succeed and one of the best ways to do that is to get hitched up. It does take sacrificing a lot, but I think if women and men talked about the sacrifices that need to get made by the parties ahead of time and planned for them, marriages would be off to a much better start. How are we going to split money. Just a joint account, or joint account plus spending money for both of us? If so, is that divided by income? What happens if one of us gets fat? What happens if one of us loses our sex drive or ability? Who’s responsible for what housey things? Talk it out, people, make it work. Shalom!