Still Tippin’ on Mulattoes?

Sooooooo….The Big Boss of the Nawf is in a wee bit of controversy lately. From a recent Vibe magazine interview:

The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking. It’s hard to trust a Black woman [sometimes] because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her⎯ he gotta pay for this, he gotta pay for that, and if it ain’t about money then a lot of them ain’t fucking with him. If that’s what you’re here for then I don’t want to be with you.

Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more. They can’t just be running around with their head up in the air and passing all of us.

I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be fucking with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that shit [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other shit.”

My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit. And she’s a smart girl too. She graduated from Columbia [University] and I like that about her so it’s cool. I’ve dated girls that will buy a $3,000 bag and don’t know how to pay it off on their credit cards. They walk around in these Louis Vuittons and red bottoms but they’re riding around in raggedy cars, so it’s just getting your priorities right.

White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that shit. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I’m fucking with you, you gotta buy me this and that. Black men are the ones that motherfuckers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too. A Black man who gets a little bread will go make it rain in the club and be broke the next day or instead of him going to invest in a business he gonna go buy new jewelry or a new car and still live in the hood. Black peoples’ mentality is real fucked up in general [and] it’s affecting everything.

Black women need to be more genuine and be more 50/50 [but] It should be a fair exchange in a relationship period or eventually somebody is gonna feel like they’re getting fucked over whether it’s the woman or the man. I think that will help Black relationships out a lot. ⎯As Told To Starrene Rhett

As expected, the peanut gallery, and in particular, black women, came out hard against this one, citing it as yet another example of a black man stereotyping black women and extolling the virtues of “others.”Mediatakeout reported the story, but they did an interesting thing. They switched the paragraphs. If you look at the interview as it was spoken, The Big Boss started out with the phrase:

“The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking.”

But MTO started off with

“It’s hard to trust a Black woman because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her – he gotta pay for this, he gotta pay for that, and if it ain’t about money then a lot of them ain’t ****ng with him”

Kinda changes the tone of the whole thing a little bit. But let’s actually explore the meat of what he said , as opposed to the usual mock outrage and teeth-sucking.

“The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking.”

Anyone care to disagree? I mean, isn’t this why we have all these relationship blogs, internet macking gurus, and Essence magazine in general? If we’re going to point to statistics and anecdotal evidence of black people having relationship issues that are more acute than others, I find it hard to argue with this premise.

“Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now.”

Isn’t this a constant refrain from Black men about black women? Steve Harvey et al have gotten it down to a science of what the expectations vs. reality game looks like. Hell, if you were to argue against this premise, your cause was set back 10 years by “A Real Chance at Chili”, or whatever that show was called. I don’t think the “standards too high” thing is the epidemic it’s purported to be, but I have met more than my share of lonesome single woman on the “equally yoked” bandwagon. By equally yoked, they typically mean education and income. It is what it is.

“I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be fucking with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that shit [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other shit.””

You know, they say there’s an element of truth in all stereotypes. And damn if this isn’t one of the most pervasive stereotypes regarding black women vs. other women. While a lot of people may find this quote distasteful, it’s clearly not out of the mainstream of thought. In many ways, black women are taught to take extra pride in being sassy and independent and to take no shit from no man. This is more a survival mechanism than anything else, but I’d wager most black women, when pressed, can name more than their fair share of women they call friends who are over-aggressive, ball-busting, or just generally ornery.

“My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit. And she’s a smart girl too. She graduated from Columbia [University] and I like that about her so it’s cool.”

Here’s where I think the outrage comes in. He’s clearly attributing the positive things about his girl to her “white side”: education, compliance, non gold-diggery, and cooking. But I mean, are these really values shared by mainstream black women? By mainstream, I probably mean working class to lower middle class women who read Zane and think Nikki Minaj’s life is something to be envied. I think pegging it as a race issue is troublesome, because I think this is more of a class/upbringing issue than anything else. All the girls I date are black, they’re all educated, I wouldn’t call any of them gold-diggers, and some of them cook. I’m a very good cook, so this is less important to me, but when I cook, they’re unilaterally willing to hit the dishes or set the table. All of the girls I date are also solidly middle class or higher. They also usually have good relationships with their fathers. Now, if you’re surrounded by the HoustaLantaVegas crew of women who typically hang around rappers, well, they’re culturally different. But I imagine the mixed and white ones are just as bad as anyone else.

“Black men are the ones that motherfuckers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too. A Black man who gets a little bread will go make it rain in the club and be broke the next day or instead of him going to invest in a business he gonna go buy new jewelry or a new car and still live in the hood.”

Oh, what, no one’s complaining that he takes Black men to task too? Surprise Surprise.

Again, there’s an issue here of people not wanting to listen to criticism. It’s easy to shove it aside and blame it on stereotyping or self-hatred or any of a number of factors. But if you are, in fact, the stereotype, and things aren’t working out for you, maybe you should listen a little. Truthfully, I know women who fit into the exact box Slim Thugga Mufucka’s talking about. And they’re single. I know reformed users and leeches who are much happier now and are enjoying successful relationships. It’s not because they railed against any critics of black women as being too broad based or indicting, it’s because they looked at the course of their lives and their behavior, and saw a correlation. I also know black men who fit into the boxes he mentioned. Spent every dollar stunting. And they also reflected on that, and made a change. And they’re doing much better. So yes, even when the message is clumsily delivered or slightly offensive, There can still be value in earing it.